Rag Doll
by Kitty-chan33
Summary: The tale of a lusty, Ren obsessed authoress and her adventures in the Shaman King world...
1. Of Bothersome Rugs and Multiple Fiancées

A/N: Hey look! Kitty-chan's back! And she's got another fic that'll interfere with her schoolwork for a few months! This time, though, I'm regretful to announce that you won't personally take a place in this fic, since I really don't want my account taken away from me by the Administration. (They're about six inches from closing my account permanently...) Anyway, since every author who knows enough about an anime, book, movie, or whatever else to write about it, I feel that they should get a free trip into the wonderful world of that anime, book, movie, or whatever. Since I'm impatient, I'm taking my trip to the Shaman King world right now, and let me tell you, I'm really going to try to make the most out of my trip! Enjoy!

Warnings: Mild language, a severe hatred of RenXPirika, a less-severe but still present hatred of YohXAnna, some sex-related humor, a _very_ naughty authoress, and probably some violence later.

Disclaimer: A few things I don't own but would still like to own would be (in order of appearance): Shaman King, any anonymous-but-recognizable websites, Windsor Pilates, the South Beach Diet, Avril Lavigne, John Frieda and his overly-expensive haircare products, and anything else I've mentioned. And even though she's in here for one sentence, I do own Katsumi, in a sense...

Note: This takes place about a month after Yoh's first fight with Ren, thus a month after Yoh finds out he's engaged to Anna.

****

Rag Doll

Part I: Of Bothersome Rugs and Multiple Fiancées

I growled as my eyes scanned the computer screen in front of me; yes, my friend, you read that right. I indeed growled. It's not a habit I usually partake in, seeing as I'm not a dog, but at that moment in time I deemed the situation growl-worthy. Once again, someone (no telling who) had made a reference to RenXPirika in their writing. No matter how often I seem to say it, I just can't get the message across that it _doesn't make sense_. They speak about five times throughout the _entire_ series, and it's always something like "Where are the others, Ren?" "I don't know; by the way, Pirika, I hate your brother." Maybe I'm just dumb, I don't really think that's flirting, you know...

I combed my fingers through my hair in agitation and tried to think happy thoughts. Thoughts centered on the adorable blushy, milk-drinking, belly-shirt-wearing, perfect-tush-having shaman that was half of what was causing my unnecessary distress. No, Ren couldn't ever cause me distress; it was all _Pirika's_ fault! I smirked, remembering the 'Hate The Snow Princess' Pirika-hatelisting I'd joined back in December. I probably wouldn't hate her so much if some numbskull hadn't said, "Ooh, Ren and Pirika should get together, because I don't have anything else better to do with my life _than to ruin Kitty-chan's!_"

Anyway, I walked out to the kitchen in a huff, suddenly craving a peach (quite possibly my thirty-third one that day, if I remember correctly). Yes, I think I'd just about snapped; I'd extended my love of all things Ren to even my eating habits. Pathetic, I know, but I'm a private school-kid, so I have no life to begin with. That's why people can ruin it by pairing up my favorite and least-favorite characters. Munching on that thirty-third peach, I sulked back to my computer. It was quite fortunate that the computer was such a long way from the kitchen and bathroom, because with the amount of time I'd been spending on it lately, I'm quite sure I'd be about the shape of a beach ball if I hadn't been running back and forth to the kitchen for something to drink or to go to the bathroom every so often.

Let me explain right now that my mother has this odd obsession with rugs. You might not find it the least bit interesting, but I feel that now is as good a time as any to mention that she prizes those rugs above all else in the world. I'm surprised she doesn't hang them on the ceiling so that no one can step on them. That being said, there's this one rug in the dining room who's edge is beginning to curl up from all the times I've scuffed my feet over it. And it just so happens that I was not really into picking up my feet at the moment I was trudging through the dining room, peach-in-hand. I somehow managed to trip over that damn thing, and fall flat on my face. I'm not the most graceful person in the world, but that was just plain dumb of me.

Without even realizing it, I scrambled up, possibly fearing that if I got peach juice on that damn rug, I'd be in for a world of pain when my mother got home. But instead of standing in my dining room, I found that I was magically in the middle of some random street, somewhere that wasn't near where I was used to living. The land around me was as flat as a piece of paper, and that can be taken both literally and figuratively. No, there were no hills, but something else was missing; quite possibly the third dimension that set us in the real world apart from cartoons and comics. Okay, said dimension wasn't _completely_ missing, I could walk in any direction I pleased for as long as I wanted, but everything, including myself, had appeared to become _animated_.

I let out a little wail, partially from fright and partially from excitement. If I was animated, then I could walk off a cliff and keep going without falling down into some abyss! Woo! Turning around and around to take in my surroundings, I quickly discovered that I was standing in the middle of the street right in front of Funbari Onsen. I let out another scream, louder this time. Funbari Onsen was were Yoh lived, and we all know that Yoh is a one-way ticket to Ren! I scrambled through the gate with the pointless roof toward the front door, but something caught my eye in the yard.

Asakura Yoh and Oyamada Manta were both sit-standing in the shade of a tree next to a well.

I slammed my back up against the house in order to hide myself from their view for a minute longer. First impressions are always important, and I wanted to make a good one. Sliding carefully along the wall in a ninja-ish fashion, I inched away from them until I found a window.

The reflection staring back at me in the smooth glass was a little startling. It looked just like me, only...cuter. A whole lot cuter. I'd hoped that I'd end up prettier than I was in real life, but no such luck for Kitty-chan, huh? I was still short, too. I'd hoped that I'd end up taller. Tall and pretty, like Jun. Or Eliza. But at least I was still shaped like a girl. I would have been mad beyond belief if my eight months of Windsor Pilates and South Beach Dieting had been undone by a simple process such as animation.

I was glad to see that my hair hadn't been straightened when I plopped into this world. Unlike some of my Avril-obsessive friends, I was proud to have be a brunette with thick, wavy hair, and had done all I could to flaunt it mercilessly. Even cough up about nine bucks to John Frieda each time I needed shampoo. I was disappointed to find that my eyes hadn't turned some amazing color, but, along with becoming huge, they'd changed into an almost too-vibrant shade of blue, because no anime character has pale blue eyes. (Or it's really creepy when they do.)

Giving a my body a once-over with my hands to make sure I hadn't grown any extra limbs or anything, I then gave my scarf a re-tie as I pondered something. I needed some other reason to approach Yoh and Manta than to say, "Where's Ren?". I could always say that I had something important to do with Yoh's past and future; plenty of other Mary Sues did. I could say that his parents had engaged him with the wrong girl, and that I was his new fiancée and could save him from Anna. That might work, only said itako might have to disagree with me and send me rocketing into the neighbors' lawn with a killer slap. I could just say that I wanted to be friends, but that would be no fun at all. I mean, what would you think if you were just innocently hanging out in what you thought was the privacy of your backyard, then some girl two years your senior comes bolting out from the other side of your house saying she wants to be your friend? Wouldn't that be just a _little_ bit awkward? Yeah, that's what I thought.

After a few agonizing minutes of thinking and scheming, I decided that the 'I'm-your-_real_-fiancée' plan was the way to go. If it worked, I might just have a nice little comfy spot on the throne of the Shaman Queen, not to mention I'd have pissed off Anna completely. And if it didn't work, well... I'd have a nice story to tell when I got home. _If_ I got home without Anna murdering me first.

'Why not try for Ren, Kitty-baka?' I'm sure all you YohXAnna fans are grumbling. 'He's the reason why you're all excited in the first place! DO NOT INTERFERE WITH THE ETERNAL COUPLE!' Well, peeps... I'm not exactly sure why I didn't try for Ren. Maybe because he _wasn't there_ at the moment, and I wasn't about to camp out in Funbari Onsen's garden until he was. That said, I took a long, _long_ calming breath as I mentally prepared myself. I'm a _horrible_ actor, I'll have you know, which is why you haven't seen me in any blockbuster movies lately. If I was going to succeed in this task, then I'd have to be in the right frame of mind.

'Think long-lost-lover, Kitty!' I thought. 'One who's run all the way here from Izumo just to find Yoh!' Then it hit me; If I was going to make a dramatic entrance, I couldn't be entering from the other side of the house. So I climbed over that annoyingly-tall fence and walked down the street a bit. Then, once I thought I was far enough away so that I could run into the yard and actually be out of breath, I turned around and sprinted back toward the house. Of course, being as ungraceful as I am, I promptly stumbled over a crack in the sidewalk and _almost_ fell again. But I remained on my feet, and kept sprinting toward the house, making sure that my footfalls were heavy enough to hear from the yard. When I reached the gate, I paused briefly in that anime-way, huffing and puffing and supporting myself on the gate.

Yoh and Manta looked up from their electric-chair exercise. I don't know why Manta was doing it, but Anna probably forced him into it after he finished his chores. Anyhow, they looked a tad bewildered at my entrance. It was now or never! Let's do this, Kitty!

"Yoh-koi!" I shrieked, running into the yard. "I've found you!" I ran up to the bewildered pair, and instead of stopping when I reached them, I sort of _pounced_. Pounced onto Yoh and gave him possibly the biggest hug he'd ever gotten from someone that wasn't his mother. "I've missed you so much!" I added, rubbing my cheek against his startlingly sweaty one.

"Do I even _know_ you?" Yoh asked nervously from beneath me. I feigned an expression of confusion, sitting up and pulling away from him slightly.

"What are you talking about, koi? Of course you know me; I'm your fiancée," I said sweetly. Yoh shook his head slowly.

"No," he said disbelievingly. "I'm already engaged to someone else; someone I know."

"Huh!" I squeaked, looking as hurt as possible. "Who? Since when?"

"Kyôyama Anna," Yoh said innocently, becoming more and more nervous. "She came here about a month ago saying our parents set us up. And she's kinda possessive about me, so maybe you shouldn't be straddling me where she could see." Manta, who I'd been so caught up in acting that I forgot about, was standing about four feet away from Yoh and myself, mouth hanging open.

"I know I should be used to this by now," he mumbled to no one in particular. "But I'm just _not_. At this rate, Yoh-kun will get a new fiancée every month." Ignoring Manta, I continued with Yoh by lowering my face down near his.

"I'll straddle you whenever I damn want to," I said quietly, fake confusion turning to fake anger. "Because you _happen_ to be my fiancé." I got off the confused Asakura, allowing him to stand as well. At full height, he was a good inch taller than myself, and I was a little angry that someone two years younger than myself could be that much taller than me.

"Who are you, again?" Yoh asked, trying to figure out the situation as best he could. I imagine it's a little confusing when you're betrothed to one girl, then find out a month later you're to wed someone else.

"Kitty..." I thought for a split second, not wanting to give my real last name. Ah! Time to employ my ever-faithful Mary Sue's last name instead of my own! "...Miryoku," I finished. It didn't flow quite as well as I'd wanted it to, but at least I had an identity, now. "I can't believe you don't remember me, Yoh-koi," I said, trying to sound rather hurt. "We've been betrothed for three years now, so I thought you'd at least recognize me when I came to visit you here in Tokyo." Yoh shook his head, hand on his chin.

"I'm drawing a blank on that one; sorry," he said. I _had_ to make him believe me, or else I'd just have made a complete ass of myself in front of my one-way ticket to Ren!

"You said her name was Kyôyama Anna," I said quietly to Yoh. He nodded. I thought for a minute, concocting myself a nice little story. "She always hated me," I murmured, shaking my head and closing my eyes, as if recalling a bad memory.

"What?" Manta asked, actually speaking up for the first time I'd arrived. "What're you talking about?" I opened my eyes, filling them with tears. Making myself cry was probably one of the few talents I possessed that could actually help me out in an awkward situation such as this one.

"Kyôyama Anna..." I murmured tearfully. "When we were little kids, she was always jealous of me because I could cast more powerful spells and curses than she could. I was two years older than she was, so it made sense that I was better; I'd had more practice." Yoh and Manta seemed to be soaking up my story like sponges. I sniffled a bit, then continued. "She tried to hex me all the time because she was jealous. It never worked, because she didn't know that spells are to be cast with only good intentions."

"How can a hex be cast with good intentions?" Manta asked, completely believing me.

"They should only be cast when someone has truly wronged you," I said, hiccupping. "But I never did anything wrong to her, so they never really worked. Sure, I had lots of things fall down on me, but I'm still here, aren't I?" I paused to smile wistfully. "Anyway, three years ago, when Anna and Yoh were ten and I was twelve, Yoh's and my parents decided to set the two of us up to be married. We protested, of course, because to each other, we both still had cooties." Manta gave Yoh an odd look, to which the latter shrugged, not remembering it in the slightest. "Again, Anna was jealous of me, and kept trying to hex me."

"Why do I not remember a word of what you're saying?" Yoh asked. I got the feeling he wanted to believe me, but he couldn't remember it. I gasped, making more tears flood down my face.

"Kino-sama said for her to never use that spell!" I shrieked, falling down on my knees, sobbing. I'd reached the end of my pre-thought-up story, so now I had to make things up no matter how stupid they were. "Sh-she erased all your memories of me, Yoh-koi!" I wailed, burying my face in my hands. Yoh and Manta made shocked-sounding noises, and I'm guessing I would have seen some sort of fancy-schmancy background behind them if I could have seen them. I felt a hand on my shoulder, and I looked up to see Yoh kneeling down beside me, an optimistic sort of look on his face.

"Don't cry, Kitty-chan," he said. "You can put them all back, right?" I stared at Yoh, willing more tears down my face, then shook my head, jaw trembling.

"It's an irreversible spell," I said quietly. "We can never go back to the way we were, Yoh-koi!" With that, I flung myself at Yoh, knocking him back onto his rear in the grass, and sobbed quietly into his chest. The whole experience was rather aggravating in its own sense, and I was starting to actually believe my own story for a moment. In all honesty, though, I'd read worse ones in the past, so I figured mine wasn't too farfetched. And Anna _did_ seem to be the jealous type when it came to Yoh... Apparently, Yoh seemed to have believed every word I'd said, and after a few awkward minutes of me sobbing into his sweaty t-shirt, he spoke.

"Then, we'll just have to make new memories, right?" he asked, smiling the tiniest bit. I stared up at his face for a moment, then back down at his shirt. I guess I'd forgotten the amount of kohl I'd had on, because now a great deal of it had run from my eyes onto the white t-shirt, making black spots and smudges here and there. I knew the shirt wasn't ruined, but they annoyed me, partially because I have a neat-streak, and partially because they were on my new "fiancé's" shirt.

Manta, who seemed to have faded into the background during my melodramatic arrival, cleared his throat rather harshly, completely ruining the Kitty-and-Yoh bonding moment. I jerked my head up to glare at him, but stopped halfway. I caught myself, thinking that I didn't want to appear like Anna in any way if they were to like me instantly and keep on liking me. But some movement from the house's back door caught my eye before I could do anything else. Apparently, the tiny blonde had cleared his throat to alert Yoh and myself of the oncoming threat to our physical well-beings, a.k.a. Anna.

The itako slid the door to the back porch open, probably to tell Yoh to switch from his electric-chair exercise to doing push-ups or sit-ups or whatnot. Instead of doing so, though, she stopped dead that the sight of myself half-sitting in Yoh's lap. I felt the Asakura beneath me stiffen at the sight of his real fiancée, then tremble slightly. I, however, was not afraid, possibly because I fear no one unless they have either a gun or a significantly larger amount of muscle tissue than myself.

"Yoh," she said. It was a statement, not a question. No one spoke for possibly the most awkward ten seconds of my entire life. "What's this?"

****

End Part I.

A/N: In case you didn't know, Anna _can_ cast spells. She announced it some time late in the series, I think. I just wanted to clear that up, because I know it's not a very well-known fact about her. ...I somehow get the fact that I've stepped _way_ out of bounds by writing this, but let's just remember, nice YohXAnna fans, some bounds were meant to be _occasionally_ stepped out of. So please don't hurt me! (runs very far away from the large number of angry YohXAnna fans with muscles and/or guns)


	2. Of Untrue Stories and False Tears

A/N: _(blink, blink)_ Why am I still here? Wasn't I supposed to be flamed to death by a horde of YohXAnna fans? Come on, people! I mean, I built a damn _trench_, for God's sake! ...Actually, I'm really glad I didn't have to use my trench (...that I spent an hour and a half digging, then another hour piling up sandbags, and then another hour weatherproofing...). I'm glad you're all so accepting of the fact that I hate RenXPirika and YohXAnna! _(flinches)_ Anyway, thanks a ton to **Dreammistress Jade** and **SGCred** for beta-ing this! (Funny, one day I'm beta-less, then the next day I've got two... Almost like Yoh and his fiancée-problems, ne?)

Warnings: Mild language, a severe hatred of RenXPirika, a less-severe but still present hatred of YohXAnna, some sex-related humor, a _very_ naughty authoress, and probably some violence later.

Disclaimer: Once again, nothing is mine, though I seemed to have staked my claim on Yoh-kun last chapter.

Note: Read this chapter with a light heart; it's meant to be humorous, but I can see some people confusing my odd sense of humor for drama when I'm acting so...dramatic.

****

Rag Doll

Part II: Of Untrue Stories and False Tears

Poor Yoh; he looked just like a deer caught in the headlights as Anna stalked toward us. Her blue beads clinking against each other was an all-too-familiar sound for me; and one that was strangely comforting. Usually when something bad was happening and Yoh was getting a rather intense butt-kicking from someone, Anna and her beads would appear and save the day by summoning some spiffy ghost, and that would be that for a week or so. But not this time; the one time I get to see Anna in real life, she's mad enough to bite my head off. Great... Just _great_.

"What's going on out here?" Anna demanded, looming over Yoh and myself. I was beginning to get a bit afraid of her, though I didn't know why. In all honesty, if worst came to worst, I'm pretty sure she'd get completely owned in a fistfight. But if she actually tried to hex me, though... I'd be pretty screwed. Upon giving up my Christianity for Paganism, I learned a few minor, teeny-weeny, not-powerful-enough-to-help-me-out-if-Anna-got-mad spells; mostly ones for good luck or good health. Nothing even _close_ to being as strong as I was giving the impression that I could do.

"H-Hi Anna," Yoh said, quite possibly trying to extend the calm before the storm as long as possible. I wasn't sure if it was the fact that I was trying to demonstrate to Yoh that he belonged with me instead of Anna, or whether it was out of actual fear of the scary itako, but I attached myself to Yoh's upper body, and I was _not_ letting go anytime soon.

"Hello Yoh," Anna said calmly. Then she fixed an icy glare on me. "I don't believe we've met. I'm Anna; Yoh's fiancée." Oh man, I could practically see the anger radiating off the girl, and pretty darn near all of it was directing itself toward me. But I couldn't let myself get fazed that easily; I had a fiancé to win back!

"Liar," I spat, clinging even tighter to Yoh. "You're lying and we both know it!"

"What are you talking about?" she barked. "I think I'd know who I'm betrothed to, little missy!" Oh, she did _not_ just call me 'little missy!' Out of all the sexist insults there are, 'little missy' is the one that gets me every time. _Every single time_, and I don't know why! Anyway, now I was pissed beyond reason, and resisting the urge to fling myself at Anna and cram her into a Campbell's Soup-At-Hand can.

"You know what I'm talking about, Kyôyama," I said venomously. "You stole my fiancé, and now you're making it look like it's the other way around!"

"I'd do nothing of the sort!" Anna yelled, not completely understanding what was going on.

"That's such a lie!" I yelled, loosening my grip on the Asakura beneath me for the first time since Anna arrived. "You hexed Yoh-koi and made him lose all his memories of me, and now you're claiming to be his fiancée!" Anna gaped, still not entirely sure of what was going on.

"You're insane!" the itako screeched. "You have no idea what you're talking about! And quite frankly, neither do I!" I gasped, feigning a look of absolute shock, then another of somewhat impressed-ness.

"You're not as dumb as you look," I said, then I turned to Yoh and Manta (who, by the way, had hidden himself behind the well for safety). "She put the curse on herself so that even _she'd_ forget me!" I paused for a moment, allowing Yoh and Manta a moment for a gasp-then-gape routine, then I continued. "And I'll bet she did the same to everyone back home in Izumo, too!" Anna looked completely taken aback for a few moments, and I get the feeling she believed me the tiniest bit.

Throughout this whole encounter with Anna, I don't think Yoh moved a single muscle to remove my being from his. There was a tiny part of my brain that wondered why Yoh wasn't being loyal to Anna and throwing me off to rush to her side and place a possessive hand on her waist or whatnot. It was the tiniest bit satisfying in its own sick way to know that Yoh didn't have quite the same feelings for Anna as some authors seem to think he does, but then again, she'd only come to Tokyo a month ago apparently, so no feelings had had a chance to blossom.

Upon realizing this, I knew some sort of smug smile formed on my face. I don't usually enjoy altering peoples' lives so much, but corrupting Anna was possibly the most fun I'd had in a long time. As if she'd heard me say that out loud, though, I saw her right hand come flying toward my face. Now, I'm no martial arts master, but after five years of watching Dragonball Z, I'd learned that when someone's hand is flying at a high speed towards your face, it might be a good idea to duck.

So duck I did.

I might just be the one of the only people on record that could evade one of Anna's killer slaps, but with a selfish prize such as that, there is always a price. Just as I had gotten my face out of the path of that pain-inducing hand, I heard that sickening crack of skin against skin; more precisely, Anna's hand against Yoh's dazed-looking countenance.

"Yoh-koi!" I wailed, instantly pulling Yoh's reddening visage into a crushing embrace as I shot Anna a cold glare. In the past, I'd once playfully hit one of my guy friends on the arm, only to have his newly-acquired girlfriend come and try to kick the shit out of me for touching her boyfriend. It never made sense to me why exactly she'd gotten so angry with me, but now that I was madder than a hornet because Anna had hit Yoh. _My_ Yoh, to be exact. I wasn't gonna take that crap, was I!

"Anna..." I heard Yoh murmur. He pulled his head out of my grip and rubbed the hand-shaped mark on his cheek, gazing up at his fiancée. "Is what Kitty-chan said true? Did you really...do what she said you did?" I didn't think Yoh could bring himself to believe that Anna would really do something as horrible as to erase his memories. I wouldn't have believed she would do anything that bad, either. I was suddenly feeling rather guilty when I saw her eyes begin to shine with the first traces of unshed tears, and if I hadn't been defending my current position on Yoh's lap with the boldness of a mother badger protecting her young, I probably would have come clean and said I'd lied.

"Yoh," Anna said, looking her fiancé straight in the eye. "Why would I lie about something like that? Tell me." Man, if she hadn't been two inches from tears, things on my Ren-wanting, self-satisfying side of life would have been looking so much better at the moment.

"I...don't know..." Yoh said, shaking his head. I could tell that my foothold in Yoh's brain was crumbling quite quickly under Anna's influence, and I had to get it back as soon as possible. So, I let my own tears flow once again.

"How can you not believe me?" I asked, taking Yoh's face in my hand, careful of the throbbing handprint. "I walked here all the way from Izumo just to see you and make sure you were okay. I missed you." I fingered the thin scarf at my neck for a moment. I loved that scarf more than any of my others, with its yellow stars and moons set upon a deep navy-blue night sky. "I even wore the scarf, Yoh. The scarf you gave me for my thirteenth birthday." Ooh, no one can deny that whole thirteenth-birthday thing.

Without Yoh, Anna, or myself noticing, Manta had begun to sneak away out of the yard. Just as he reached the gate, Anna took notice.

"Manta," she barked, completely ruining that long-lost-lover mood I had going. "Where do you think you're going?" Manta froze, mid-step, drops of sweat breaking out all over his face. He laughed nervously.

"I think this is...a little _beyond_ me," he said, laughing again. Good for him! He finally realized he was almost completely useless in a situation involving Yoh!

"Stay here," the itako commanded for a reason I'll never know.

"O-Okay," Manta stuttered, quietly sneaking back into his place behind the well. I was a little miffed that the mood had been broken, but _I had to keep trying!_

"Yoh-koi," I sniffed, taking his hand in both of mine. Physical contact is a _must_ when you're convincing someone of something love-related! "This scarf...when you gave me this scarf for my birthday...that was the first time you told me you loved me." Yoh and Manta once again proceeded with their gasp-and-gape routines, while Anna looked to be on the verge of screaming "Bullshit!" right into my ear.

God, Yoh was _so_ close to believing me now; I could just tell! And Woman's Intuition is _never_ wrong! Just a few more sappy lines from me, maybe a few additional tears, and possibly a flashback with heartbreaking piano music in the background, and I'd have this puppy in the bag!

"Don't you remember it?" I asked Yoh, who silently shook his head. If I told the story of it, that'd surely win him over. "We ran away from my party because you said you needed to talk to me about something. So, we went and sat on the roof of that abandoned temple near the edge of the woods; it had started to snow when we arrived, so we were both freezing. It was getting dark, and I was mad, because you'd dragged me out to the middle of nowhere, remember?"

"I can't say that I do," Yoh said. I could almost hear the rusty gears beginning to turn inside his head as he strained as hard as he could to remember my little spur-of-the-moment story. Anna still looked furious, but seemed the tiniest bit interested at what I'd "done" with Yoh two years prior. "But keep going; maybe I'll remember something." I cleared my throat, trying to keep the tears in my eyes without letting them spill out down my cheeks.

"Anyway, right as I was about to go back to the party, you took me by the hand and sat me back down next to you on the roof. Then you pulled the scarf out of your jacket and... And..." I was pretty sure that my fake tear supply was coming to an end, so I had to crank it up a little. So I began sobbing hysterically, clutching at the soft fabric I had around my neck and staring as hard as I could at Yoh.

"Y-You told me th-that this scarf-f... You told me th-that it was a s-symbol of our love... And that w-we had to remember that moment f-for the rest-t of our l-lives... And if-f we didn't f-forget it, w-we'd both end up in H-Heaven when we d-died, and s-stay there together for the r-rest of eternity..." Then I buried my face back into Yoh's chest and fake-sobbed for as long as I could take it.

Now, I don't know whose expression was the most priceless when I'd finished my little story. Anna's jaw was about an inch and a half from the ground, and she was shaking with suppressed anger. Manta had come out from behind the well, huge waterfall tears streaming from his eyes and his pale cheeks sporting a slight blush. And, last and most certainly not least, my victim, Yoh, had his mouth hung open the tiniest bit, and his brown eyes were huge and shining. If I could actually make him cry with more of my thought-up-in-three-seconds fake memories, well... that'd be a new experience. I don't think I've ever seen Yoh cry before, and it's one of those things that'd just...y'know...be really cool to see. Unfortunately, though, my supply of corny things was running a bit low at the moment, so I needed to wrap things up quickly if I wanted them to sound believable.

"Kitty-chan..." Yoh said as I pulled my face away from his body. I wish he'd have something more interesting to say than my name. "I...I don't know what to say...Except..."

"What?" I huffed, hiding my face in my hands.

"I'm really sorry," Yoh said miserably. "But I don't remember any of it. I want to, I really do, but I just... Can't."

"So who are you gonna believe?" Anna cut in. I'd almost forgotten she was there; she'd been in so much shock that she hadn't been yapping for once. "Me or this melodramatic lying vixen?" Uh oh, Anna was making things harder than she should; time for the tiniest bit more acting before this could end. I looked at Yoh, giving him the saddest stare I could muster.

"I wouldn't lie about something like this, Yoh-koi," I said quietly as a last ditch effort. "How could I lie about something as serious as love?" Quite easily, thank you very much. Just as long as I got to meet Ren, I'd do just about anything.

"I think she's right, Anna," Yoh said with a sigh. What's this? Did I just convince Yoh that I was right and Anna was wrong? Why yes, I believe I just did. "No one would lie about something as pure as love." Yoh seemed to be quite the naïve one, because I think I just did that, too.

"Oh Yoh-koi!" I cried, flinging my arms around him, partially from acting, and partially because I was so glad I'd acted well enough to convince someone of something. Take _that_, Mr. Mean Old Drama Teacher! "I knew I'd make you see! Anna's always been so mean to me, and it was horrible to think that she'd almost stolen you from me by making you forget! If you didn't believe me when I told you that I was your fiancée, I think I'd just have died!"

Well, while I was celebrating my minor victory and small step towards meeting Ren by glomping Yoh, Anna honestly looked mad enough to kill me with her own bare hands. I really couldn't blame her, though; if some freakishly overemotional girl with a waist, hips and a bosom appeared one day out of nowhere and just _stole _my fiancé from me, I imagine that I might be a little angry, too. I mean, Yoh's an adolescent boy through and through, and when it comes to girls with adolescent boys, _nothing_, not even a wonderful personality or the ability to make fabulous chocolate cake, can beat a bosom. Anna seemed to be painfully aware of this fact from the moment she set her eyes on Yoh and myself, and it only seemed to make her even more angry.

So, as I gushed to Yoh about what I wonderful fiancée I would be, I failed to notice the fuming itako approaching. Just as I caught sight of her in my peripheral vision, it was too late to do anything about it. She'd grabbed a fistful of my hair and was yanking it upward with possibly all the force her skinny little arm could muster. Not just any hair, but the little three-inch-long baby hairs that grew near the base of my skull. You know, the ones that hurt like hell when they get pulled on. Yeah, those...

"Just who do you think you are?" Anna demanded, pulling me up closer to her face. "You can't just come in here and"

"Anna, stop!" In an instant, Yoh had sprung up from the ground, and now had Anna's wrist held in a tight grasp. Said itako froze, staring at her fiancé.

"_Yoh_," she hissed, but I wouldn't let her say any more in defense of herself. I welled up the very last fake tears into my eyes and let them spill out over my cheeks.

"Make her go away, Yoh-koi," I whined, sniffling a bit. I felt like the biggest wuss on earth, but if I was going to keep Yoh as my fiancé until Ren made his next appearance, I needed some defending from that cruel, heartless fiend that was jealous of me because I got what she wanted three years ago. "She's so mean to me! Can't you make her go back home to Izumo where she belongs!" All fell silent for a moment, and out of the corner of my eye I saw Manta sneaking around the well, possibly trying to get away from Anna before she tried to use him as a human bowling ball on me: the human bowling pin.

"Anna," Yoh began, then stopped, not knowing how to phrase what I was hoping he was trying to ask. The itako's iron grip on my hair lessened and finally disappeared altogether, dropping me back down into the grass next to Manta.

"I know what you're trying to ask me, Yoh," Anna said quietly, her eyes being hidden by her hair. Oh yes! Go back to Izumo and let me try to stalk Ren in peace! Please! "And even though it's the last thing I want, I'll do it because I know it will make you happy." Yoh, Manta, and even myself were so taken aback by Anna's sudden change in personality, that we practically stopped functioning as human beings. I was the first to recover from the shock, but I gasped silently as I saw (from my low vantage point sitting in the grass) a single tear drip from Anna's eye and down the bridge of her nose, only to suspend itself from the tip of her nose until another tear joined it and they both splashed onto the grass as one hot, salty mass.

"I'll be ready to go in an hour," she said, then sulked into the house from the door she'd first appeared in. Yoh and Manta stared after her, both looking confused and depressed at the same time. If I had any tears left in me, I'm sure they'd be joining Anna's in the grass, instead of mingling with sweat on Yoh's t-shirt. I didn't like making people cry, but making Anna cry... Gosh, I felt like a criminal.

I made up my mind then and there that if I was going to stay in the Shaman King world as Yoh's new fiancée, then I was most definitely going to want to acquire a diary.

****

End Part II.

A/N: Okay, that was plenty weird enough for me, thank you very much. But that's what happens when you try to end something too quickly because you're falling asleep at your computer. (Note to self: Write During Daylight Hours.) Leave me a (nice) review, and tell me what you thought! And since I've got all the time in the world right now, here're the responses to the reviews I got last chapter!

****

Dreammistress Jade: Thanks, but I'd rather _not_ die, if it's all the same to you. I've got a few fics to finish before I (and I quote the badly-done-but-better-than-the-dub Shaman King sub) "become buddha," so to speak. By the way, thanks for beta-ing! It's a boring job, but I hope it wasn't _too_ boring!

****

Akio the Dragon Master: _Exactly_ my point! Now go! Run to one of those inter-dimensional, inter-reality travel agencies to book a trip to the Shaman King world right now! Hurry! Before I screw it up beyond repair!

****

soccer-cutie67: Yeah, if I was smart I'd be pretty pleased with myself for getting a cuddle with Yoh and just leave it at that. But, if I hadn't mentioned it before, I'm not exactly the brightest crayon in the box when it comes to things like that. Plus, the one I'm _really_ after is Ren, right?

****

AinuPunk: lol I didn't think anyone would catch the 'perfect-tush-having' remark. Just one of my subtle observations that makes me Kitty-chan! ...I don't know how Ren could hate Horo, but that was just an example to emphasize the point that Ren's and Pirika's conversations with one another have no depth or substance. _(pulls out a lighter and burns a random RenXPirika fic)_

****

Sakura Mitsu: Thank you! I'm glad you found it funny. Though I'm surprised no one's flamed me yet...

SGCred: Aww, don't worry about Anna! I'm a tough girl; I can take care of myself! (_enthusiastic pose)_ But I don't know about Ren, though... He seems a bit out of my melodramatic, excessively-spazzy, just-plain-too-happy-around-him league, don't you agree? By the way, thanks for beta-ing! Sorry for dumping this chapter on you at the last second!

WiNdScArBaBe: Thank you very much, m'dear! But convincing people that I was Yoh's fiancée is kind of the _point _of the second half of the first chapter, and of this _entire_ chapter. But it's really nice to know I was convincing. And by the way, the word 'wowishness;' that's pure genius right there. Now I'm going to be forced to use it all the time.


	3. Of Two Different Kinds of Training

A/N: I have this bad habit of posting things before they've been beta'd because I wanna know what you think of it, but then I go in and touch it up once I get the changes. Thanks again (though in advance, right now) to **Dreammistress Jade** and **SGCred** for beta-ing. You guys are life-savers. Okay, maybe just fic-savers, but I really appreciate you both! And thank you to all who've reviewed so far! It's wonderful knowing people like this! (Review responses are at the end, in case you wanted to know.)

Warnings: Mild language, a severe hatred of RenXPirika, a less-severe but still present hatred of YohXAnna, some sex-related humor, a _very_ naughty authoress, and probably some violence later.

Disclaimer: For the moment, I own nothing and no one; not even Yoh. I'm just forced to spend every second of my life with him at Funbari Onsen, for the time being.

Rag Doll

Part III: Of Two Different Kinds of Training

As it turns out, living at Funbari Onsen without Anna there was possibly one of the most boring things I'd ever experienced. After bidding Anna farewell, Yoh and Manta had immediately called in for Chinese take-out to celebrate not having to shop or cook before eating. I, however was feeling mighty guilty for what I'd done, and I almost wished I'd just popped in saying, "Hi, I'm Kitty! Do you wanna be my friends?" It would have been so much easier for me, and definitely less...cuddly.

Over the first few days staying at the Onsen with Yoh and _only_ Yoh (though sometimes Manta had a tendency to spend the night), I learned quite a few things. The first would be that there is no one, and I repeat: _no one_, on this entire damn planet that desires more physical attention than Asakura Yoh. Now, I'm a fairly (though not _sexually_) amorous person. I mean, I was the one who introduced the idea of kissing-friends to a fair share of people, so I wasn't necessarily _ill at ease_. But God dammit, Yoh was just plain suffocating! I practically had to pry him off me with a crowbar if I wanted a trip to the bathroom!

Which, by the way, brings up another issue: bathing. I never realized that I took the prospect of having a shower for granted. I mean, that onsen is pretty nice in it's own sense; it's warm, relaxing, and just another way to escape the iron grip of Yoh, but it's not an actual bath. Oh no, if I'm going to actually _get clean_, I've got a bucket of water, a scary-looking loofa sponge, and wooden stool. It's not exactly my idea of a good time to have to sit, naked and exposed, in a big, annoyingly drafty room and pour water on myself when I wanted to get clean. I also really didn't enjoy the fact that it was an open-air room, as in if you were to climb the suspiciously short fence-wall around the onsen, you could see right in and observe whoever was in there go about their business completely nude.

Along with showers, privacy is something else I was deprived of when I took up residence at Funbari Onsen. Ghosts floated in and out of anything and everything they could find, and they had absolutely no respect for solitude. Whatever I was doing when one found me, it would drift around and around and cause a huge distraction. Amidamaru was the only one that seemed to have any authority over the spirits in that house (probably because he had a sword), but he was rarely ever around to help me shoo the problematic specters away; he was always either chilling out in his memorial tablet or trying to get Yoh to train.

After about a week of eating nothing but Chinese take-out and trying to pry Yoh either off myself or off the couch, I was about ready to bite his head off. He had done nothing; _nothing_ but eat, sleep, listen to music, and try to cuddle. For an entire week! Manta stopped by quite often, and I was beginning to think he lived here, too, but he didn't prove to be any help with motivating Yoh, either. His visits were mostly long, _long_ periods of time in which he and Yoh sat around and _talked_. Of all the boring things they could chose to do, they'd talk! I'd join them sometimes, but their topics were most definitely less than interesting. ("How many marshmallows do you think Kitty-chan could fit into her mouth, Manta?")

I spent a great deal of time worrying during that week. Yoh should be training, for God's sake! And what about that whole Lee Pailong incident? Or Tokagero coming and almost cutting Yoh in half? Or that ninja-chick sent by Ren's distant relative to take Amidamaru? Man, if anything like that happened anytime soon, Yoh would most likely be killed! And what about Anna! When she'd gone away, I'd forgotten that she had a few ghosts to summon in order to keep Yoh alive! Oh man, I was so far up Shit Creek, and I couldn't even find anything even _resembling_ a paddle!

After quite a long time of fretting over all that, I came up with three options. I could:

1.) Write to Anna and tell her the truth about me not being Yoh's fiancée and say she had to come back and help.

2.) Become an itako, then train Yoh myself and hope for the best.

3.) Buy a gun.

Quite frankly, Option 1 was out of the question. There was no way I could deal with Anna glaring at me and grabbing my overly-indulged-by-John-Frieda hair. And I get the feeling that she'd slit my throat while I was sleeping, so... no Anna yet. Not unless I was desperate.

I didn't figure a gun would help me out too much against ghosts, so that was a no-go as well.

So, that meant I'd have to train Yoh myself; a task I doubted I could excel in. And if I wanted him to survive the fight with Pailong I knew was fast-approaching, I'd need to gain some itako-skills as quickly as possible. But first I needed to get Yoh up off his lazy butt.

"Yoh-koi," I began one morning upon emerging from the bath (err...stool-loofa-and-bucket-arrangement). Yoh was sitting on the counter, eating beef teriyaki straight from the little white box with his fingers. "Weren't you training for the Shaman Fights when I got here?"

"Yeah, I think so," he said, hopping down off the counter. "But now I'm taking a little break." I tried to think of what Anna would say in a situation like this, but failed miserably. My mind wasn't made like hers; it couldn't think of clever-but-mean ways to tell someone to go do something.

"Don't you think your break's been long enough?" I asked. If I could get him to train on his own, then I'd be a happy camper. I could call the building contractor and arrange for a shower to be put in without having to keep an eye on Yoh the whole time. "Ren might come back and try to hurt you again." I momentarily wished for the Chinese shaman to appear and save me from this lazy, cuddly nightmare known as Asakura Yoh, but then remembered that thinking about something as wonderful as that would only make things in reality seem worse. "What would happen if he really killed you this time?"

"I dunno..." Yoh said, pulling the last bit of beef from its wooden skewer. "But I like not having to run twenty miles every morning." He giggled; I didn't know it was possible for a boy to giggle, but now I knew the truth.

"I think you've been slacking off enough lately," I said, dropping my big-eyed looks and innocent tone of voice. If he wasn't going to push himself to train, then I'd have to. "What did Anna have you doing each day?" Yoh grimaced, then began to list off near-impossible numbers, times, and weights of all the things he'd been doing before I'd arrived. I almost felt sorry for him. Keyword: almost.

"...But I'm plenty strong enough with my own training," Yoh concluded, posing enthusiastically and almost dropping the container or beef teriyaki.

"I want you to follow Anna's training schedule again," I said with a hint of authority. As the waterfall tears began to flow from Yoh's eyes, a wonderful thought came.

"Kitty-chaaaaaaan," he whined, this time actually dropping the beef teriyaki. "That's so meeeeeaaaaan!"

"No, scratch that idea," I said thoughtfully. Yoh brightened up instantly, and I grinned, trying to keep my happy disposition in place. "And double everything."

"HUH!" Yoh looked so upset, but it was all for his own good, I supposed. Anna would have tripled her schedule if she'd heard that Yoh had taken a week to lay around the house, so I figured that I was the lesser of two evils.

"If you're going to make up for the week you took off, I'd suggest you get going. Ren could come back any day now, and if he kills you, I'll be really sad," I advised. I was trying to sound as un-Anna-ish as possible, but that just didn't work when you're ordering people around.

"But Kitty" I cringed as Yoh managed to attach himself to me yet again. No matter how many Yoh-obsessed fangirls I'd hear (okay, fine; _read_) screaming, 'Kitty-chan! You're so lucky!' when I got back home to the real world, there was this part of me that just didn't want to be cuddled by Yoh; or anyone for that matter. Okay, maybe Ren would be a nice cuddling-partner, but only because I get the feeling he wouldn't try to squeeze the life out of me yet.

"Get going," I interrupted, gently prodding Yoh away from me. "You haven't left this house since I got here, and quite frankly, neither have I." It was true, neither of us had even thought about leaving the house. I'm sure that if someone with a sick mind had been watching the house for the past week through a pair of binoculars, they'd suspect Yoh and I were up to something rather honeymoon-ish, with the occasional company of Manta. I felt my eye twitch at the thought of something that vulgar, and I swore to myself to _never_ entertain such a thought again.

"What are you gonna do without me here?" Yoh asked sadly, staring at me with huge eyes.

"I've got work to do, too," I said, referring to myself trying to secretly learn how to be a shaman from the books Anna had left at the old inn. "Now go." Yoh began to sadly walk off to go do whatever he did before training, possibly change clothes or something like that.

"What's for dinner tonight?" he asked suddenly, wheeling around to face me.

"I dunno," I said upon realizing that I actually had no idea what we were going to eat that evening. "Can't we just order more take-out?"

"But Kitty-chan," Yoh whined. "I'm sick of Chinese. Can't you cook something for me?" I sputtered, trying as hard as I could not to laugh. Yoh thought I was going to cook something! HA! I'd burn the house down, and there'd be two new spirits haunting the property.

"I can't cook," I laughed, running a hand through my hair. It had begun to dry after my bath (err... trip to the stool, loofa, and water bucket), and it was only now regaining some of its body. "Who cooked when Anna was here?" I asked, completely knowing the answer.

"Um...Manta," Yoh confessed. "But he only did it because Anna forced him to!"

"Well, we should get him back here!" I giggled. I had no idea where this good mood had come from, and it was a bit creepy. "I'm sure he'd help his best friend out if you'd _ask_ him." I gave Yoh what I hoped was a meaningful go-bond-with-your-friend-some-more look, and he grinned.

"What if he refuses?" Yoh asked with a smile that hinted he was about to do something cuddly to me. Even though I was in a relatively good mood, it wasn't exactly a _cuddly_ mood. It was a get-Yoh-to-go-train-no-matter-what-it-takes good mood.

"I'll cook something tonight, just in case he refuses. But _just_ tonight, though," I said, trying not to get too generous with myself. The less time I spent in the kitchen, the less of a chance there was that I'd catch it on fire. Instead of responding with an answer, Yoh just laughed in that slightly confusing Yoh-way of his as he scampered off to change into his training clothes.

Even though I wouldn't admit it to myself, I liked Yoh. Not in the I'm-gonna-try-to-make-out-with-you-every-chance-I-get way that he seemed to be approaching me with, but in that odd friendly way that people usually mistake for flirting. If I ever got the chance to renounce our "betrothal," I'd probably try to set him up with someone who'd be as amorous as he was; Tamao, for example. He didn't seem to be quite as happy with Anna as I could imagine him being with someone who'd actually show her feelings for him. But if I even tried to do that, I'd have some horde of diehard YohXAnna fans after me. Again. I resisted the urge to smack my head against the wall, then I went off to brush the newly-forming tangles out of my damp hair. I had a quite a task ahead of me, and I knew that I'd never learn to become shaman if I was fretting about my hair. (So typical of me...)

After six hours of pouring over old books and practicing basic shaman spells over and over, I was completely exhausted. I was trying to use mana I didn't have, being a regular human being, and the most I'd achieved was to get a tiny shred of paper to inch itself along a tabletop. I knew how desperate I was to replace Anna and her super-itako abilities, and I was sure that the desire to keep Yoh alive long enough for me to get to Ren was the only thing that was keeping me from collapsing entirely.

Meanwhile, I was sure Yoh was in no better condition than I was. Being as honest as he was, he wasn't about to skip any of the 30-mile run I'd almost unknowingly set him up with to do each day. When I was in such a good mood that morning, it hadn't occurred to me that if Yoh was to run Anna's fifteen-mile run twice, he would have gone 30 miles. I've had my fair share of blonde moments before, but that was just pure idiocy. (Might I point out that in the Shaman King world, the blondes are the smart ones, while everyone else seems to have the IQ of a used teabag.)

Anyway, after six hours, Yoh had only just finished his running, and he still had quite a number of strengthening exercises left to do in the yard. He seemed to have run into Manta while on his run, and now Manta sat on Yoh's back as said Asakura did some uncountable number of push-ups. I'd given up on shaman training that day for the solace of the kitchen, where I knew I'd make at least some sort of visible progress. I really had no idea of what I was doing, but I found a handy-dandy cookbook that looked to be from about 1956. But a cookbook was a cookbook, so I followed whatever recipe looked both easy to do and edible.

After a few trial-and-error typed attempts, I finally managed to get something together that, though it bore little resemblance to actual food, smelled fairly safe to eat. I'd have to remind myself to by some already-made stuff if I ever found myself in a grocery store. Just as I was trying to figure out if the little bottle in the cupboard with the jalapeño-and-crossbones picture on the label was hot sauce or rat poison, Manta and Yoh entered, the latter stripping off his t-shirt. Now, I get the feeling that he was trying to show off how toned and well-defined he was compared to his best friend, but I most definitely wasn't as impressed as I'm guessing he'd hoped. To me, Asakura Yoh was just a skinny little thirteen-year-old who happened to be in relatively close terms with me, given how long we'd actually known each other. I didn't get the feeling he'd be the next Mr. Olympia anytime soon. I smiled at that thought, giving the impression that I wasn't exhausted from my first day of secret-and-independent shaman training.

"Kitty-chan," Yoh began, though I could tell he was as tired as I was. "You cooked." I smiled for real this time.

"Yep," I said, proud that Yoh had recognized that odd-looking mass in the pan for food. "Because you wanted it." If that was not the biggest mistake I'd ever made, I don't know what is.

"Thank you," Yoh said happily, throwing his arms around me. "Anna never cooked for me!" Being as tired as I was, I really wouldn't have minded that Yoh was trying to hug me. But, he was shirtless and literally _dripping_ with sweat, and by golly, when he didn't let go of me, I thought I'd just about die from the grossness of it all.

"Y-You're welcome, Yoh-koi," I said, remaining stiff as a board in hopes that he'd let me go. Manta seemed to catch on to the fact that I wasn't enjoying myself, and he began to laugh a bit. As a last ditch effort, I began to walk away towards the stove. Fortunately, Yoh let go of me, and I shooed him off into the dining room, myself soon following with a pan of God-knows-what.

As the days passed, I became less and less tired by my shaman training as I developed a tiny bit of mana. I was still nowhere close to being as good as Anna, but I was pretty proud of myself nonetheless. And though I could get the ghosts to turn into Spirit Flames when under my control, I didn't even humor the idea of trying Hyoi Gattai(1) with any of them. I'd never survive anything like that in my current state. Though I was quite proud of myself that I could rearrange the furniture in the living room without having to get up from the couch.

Yoh seemed to be fairing better than I was with his training; though he still came in tired each evening, he no longer fell asleep at the dinner table. I had Manta time him when he and Amidamaru worked on Hyoi Gattai, and though it still took them a little over a second to merge, I was relatively proud of what Yoh had achieved under "my" training schedule. But I had to be careful; if I wanted things to work out like they were supposed to, I had to let Yoh get strong enough to pass beat Horohoro, but lose to Faust so that he's need to go to the caverns of Izumo(2) for extra training. By then I figured that things would work themselves out and he'd tie with Ren like he was supposed to. By the way, I (unlike Anna) planned on attending that match.

But if either Manta or myself planned on watching that fight, first we had to make sure Yoh survived until then. I knew that Jun and Pailong were coming and we'd get those 'Fist of Wrath' movie tickets anonymously any day now, but I was at the brink of tearing my hair out. So what if I could move furniture around? I still couldn't summon spirits from Heaven like Anna could; I was no itako. Maybe I should write to her and tell her to come back and help me...

Just as this notion had come to mind like it had a few weeks ago, I had been retrieving the mail from the little wooden mailbox. As luck would have it, those damn movie tickets decided to turn up. I suddenly wished I'd been more affectionate with Yoh all this time, because without Anna around, I knew he wouldn't be around for more than another twelve hours or so. Damn.

**End Part III.**

**Dub Changes:  
**(1) Spirit Form  
(2) The Tunnel of Tartarus

A/N:Not quite as much humor as I would have liked in this chapter; I don't know what's wrong with me. Maybe I'm depressed. Or just tired. Yep, I'm probably tired. As I did for O-Tetsudai, I want some _constructive_ criticism. Like, not flames or just you complaining about how Yoh and Anna should get back together. Anyway, here are the review responses...

Dreammistress Jade: _You_ can't wait until I meet Ren? What about _me_? Do you think _I'm_ actually living every Ren-less moment to the fullest? Don't think so, hun. By the way, thanks for beta-ing again. It's really helpful.

can't wait until I meet Ren? What about ? Do you think actually living every Ren-less moment to the fullest? Don't think so, hun. By the way, thanks for beta-ing again. It's really helpful.

Sakura Mitsu: I take it you're not exactly the president of Anna's fanclub, either, huh? I'll try to keep her out for a little while, but there are a few things she might be helpful for at times...

SGCred: Of course Anna will be back; she's one of the three main characters of the anime/manga according to the little opening theme of the show. (In the Japanese version, of course.) I don't know if Ryu would be after me; he seems to be more into all the different kinds of people that aren't me. (i.e.- teenaged boys (_coughLysergcough_), little girls (_coughMillycough_), and grown men (_coughBillycough_).) I don't think Yoh's the right guy for me... Too cuddly... I say he belongs with Tamao. And yes, Jun and Pailong are next, along with Ren sitting on top of that billboard.

Of course Anna will be back; she's one of the three main characters of the anime/manga according to the little opening theme of the show. (In the Japanese version, of course.) I don't know if Ryu would be after me; he seems to be more into all the different kinds of people that aren't me. (i.e.- teenaged boys (), little girls (), and grown men ().) I don't think Yoh's the right guy for me... Too cuddly... I say he belongs with Tamao. And yes, Jun and Pailong are next, along with Ren sitting on top of that billboard.

WiNdScArBaBe: Aww! Thank you so much!

soccer-cutie67: Oh poor Yoh! He'll be fiancée-less! Though it wouldn't hurt him to meet new people. Tamao's got my vote for being Yoh's new fiancée, by the way.

Akio the Dragon Master: Yeah, I know Anna was OOC, but I had to get her out of the picture somehow. And I think I was the only one who noticed; Yoh and Manta happen to be idiots when it comes to feelings. Oh, don't worry about your review being long and pointless; the more you have to say, the better! It makes me feel more important!


	4. Of Lust and Physics Lessons

A/N: Umm... I can't really think of much to say here, except that this has somewhat merged the anime and manga versions of the Jun-and-Pailong-try-to-take-Amidamaru arc. It's too long to put all into one chapter, so here's the first part of this incident.

Warnings: Mild language, a severe hatred of RenXPirika, a less-severe but still present hatred of YohXAnna, some sex-related humor, a _very_ naughty authoress, and some violence. (Yay! I got to the violence part!)

Disclaimer: Hiroyuki Takei-sama made the characters, so technically they're his. I just _really_ like to play with them from time to time.

Rag Doll

****

Part IV: Of Lust and Physics Lessons

I think now might be a good time to point out that until I saw 'Fist of Rage,' I did not know true boredom. It might have been a bit more interesting if the characters hadn't been speaking Chinese, because the subtitles seemed to go by too quickly to keep up with. And the plot was getting repetitive; Pailong would walk around, beat up some bad guys, walk around more, beat up more bad guys, walk around even _more_, beat up an _army_ of bad guys, then kiss some random girl whom I didn't think appeared in any of the movie until just then. And Yoh was talking the _entire_ time. I'm not lying when I say that he didn't shut his mouth even _once_. I'd at least expected him to try to get all gooey and attempt a make-out session some time into the heat of the movie when Manta and Amidamaru were distracted, but it seemed luck was on my side! Woo!

When we filed out of the theater, Yoh and Manta were still repeating lines from the movie, even though _every single word_ of it had been in Chinese. Just as I was about to shoot them, I remembered that Jun and Pailong were lurking somewhere in the darkness.

"We should go, Yoh-koi," I said, pulling Yoh and Manta along by their shirt sleeves. "I don't like the way this place makes me feel."

"But it was fine three hours ago!" Yoh whined. _Three hours! _I'd wasted my last three hours of my life watching some crappy action movie in _Chinese! No way!_

"Yes, but it was light out then," I insisted. "I'm getting some _really_ bad vibes from that alley over there," I said pointed to the place, if I remember correctly, where Jun had entered from. "It's just like the one from my vision, so can we _please_ go?"

"It's okay, Kitty-chan," Manta said, fast becoming as scared as I was. Golly, this kid was easier to spook than a rabbit in a field of foxes. "Yoh-kun's been training nonstop lately; he's practically invincible."

"I know," I said. I was actually close to tears; I didn't want to die yet.

"Yeah!" Yoh said. "And if anyone tries to hurt you, I'll just do what Pailong did in that scene against that guy with the gun!" He then mimicked that all-too-familiar battle cry, and struck what looked somewhat like a kung-fu stance. I would have laughed, except for the fact that someone else did first. Someone female; someone whom I'd in the past wished to be my sister-in-law.

Tao Jun stepped gracefully into the illuminated patch of sidewalk in front of a random building.

"I'm so glad you enjoyed my precious Lee Pailong's movie," she purred. Being the grotesquely infatuated fan of both the anime and the manga I was, I would have noticed that she was quoting the manga, and probably would do so until I screamed of both fear and fanatic-ness, and possibly glomped her. After all, if Ren saw me palling around with his big sister, it could only make things better for me. If I could become one of Jun's super-tight gal-pals, then it would only increase my chances of getting Ren. Anyway, back to the upcoming battle at hand...

"He was very powerful, wasn't he... **Asakura Yoh?**" Jun said after a moment.

"Who are you!" Yoh yelled, obviously now as frightened as I'd been a few moments before. I, however, was on the verge of passing out; but if this world was affiliated with the anime-Shaman King world, too, Ren would be watching from some high place. And I couldn't have him thinking I was a wuss, could I?

"She's Ren's older sister! Her name's Jun!" I yelled, trying to put on a brave act for Ren, wherever the hell he was. "And she's a dao-shi(1)! You have to be careful; she's got those jufu(2)-things bound to her leg with a garter!" I knew what I was saying wasn't making too much sense at the moment to Yoh and Manta, but I didn't want to waste too much time yapping. If she was going to kill us, then hurry it up already!

"What's a dao-shi?" Manta asked, hiding behind Yoh's legs.

"She's a shaman that controls kyonshii(3) with magic talismans!" I yelled, still trying as hard as I could to still be brave. I looked at Yoh, and suddenly realized _he didn't have his sword_. If Jun wasn't going to already, I would have killed him right on the spot. How could he have been so dumb as to have left it at home? "Yoh!" I yelled, seeing Jun start reaching for the garter on her leg. "She's controlling something way stronger than you! You've got to get away from her!"

"The little girl seems to be correct," Jun said. "Though I don't know how she learned so much about me in particular." I really wished Jun wouldn't call me a little girl; I was only two years younger than she was, though I would have blushed because she recognized my knowledge of her. It wasn't every day that my infatuation's older sister acknowledged my existence, was it?

"What do you want with us?" Yoh growled, glaring at Jun.

"I've come to make a request," she said. "My little brother Ren wants your samurai ghost. Could I please have him?"

"I told you she was Ren's sister!" I yelled before Yoh could respond

"Simmer down, little girl," Jun said, reaching for the talismans at her garter. "I don't want any trouble." What a lie! She was about to have Pailong kick Yoh's sorry ass! Speaking of Yoh, he looked as mad as Anna was when I'd arrived; like he could bite off Jun's head. "But by the looks of things, you do." Suddenly, the Tao had a good number of those paper talismans stuck between her fingers, and she was talking to no one in particular, though I got the feeling she was addressing Yoh. "We dao-shi have existed in the great land of China since ancient times. We use these talismans to handle our ghosts. Come, my warrior! Lee Pailong!"

I let out a scream; suddenly standing before Yoh, Manta and myself was the six-and-a-half-foot-tall Lee Pailong, standing ready to strike at any second. I didn't know where Amidamaru had gone off to, but wherever it was, I suddenly wished I was there. I didn't think I'd ever seen anything quite terrifying in all my life; if we made it out of there alive, I was sure I'd have withdrawn Yoh from the Shaman Fights just so I wouldn't have to come into contact with Pailong ever again.

"Pailong! Take the samurai ghost away from that boy!" Jun commanded, casting out a paper talisman to the awaiting kyonshii's forehead. Even though I was trembling with fear, I found myself wondering how that last move was actually possible. From what I knew, the jufu talismans were just slips of paper; there was no way that they could be thrown with such force at such a small target without fluttering to the ground in the process. And then to just _stick_ to Pailong's forehead like that. It was physically impossible! Believe me; I've tried.

In all my thinking and recollecting of wasted Sunday afternoons in December, I must have missed the part where Jun announces that Pailong was an acquired weapon, and Yoh tells her that's she's wrong, because my "fiancé" and a dead guy were currently exchanging blows in the dark street in front of the movie theater, Jun and Manta hovering around near the sidelines. Where Yoh had obtained that piece of pipe, I do not know, but it didn't appear to be helping as much as he'd hoped.

Soon enough, Pailong had ripped that piece of pipe from Yoh's grasp, and it had clattered to the ground. Poor Yoh, however, had tried to reach for the pipe, and thus received a first to the stomach. He emitted some funny noise between a grunt and a squeak, then went completely limp, being held in the air because Pailong had not bothered to withdraw his hand after the punch. Jun sauntered over to Yoh and took his face in her hand, lifting his head up by the chin. In what little light there was, I noticed he looked like he was about to throw up. What if he puked on Jun's dress? If I hadn't been so scared of everything that was going on, I probably would have laughed at the thought. But, if he did throw up on the dao-shi, she probably would have her precious Lee kill Yoh right on the spot, so I hoped Yoh would try his hardest not to lose his lunch while she was whispering something into his ear.

"I won't give him to you!" Yoh shouted at Jun once she had left the direct vicinity of Yoh's body.

"Oh," Jun said in mock surprise. "Very well. I see you'd rather die." And with that, she took her thumb into her mouth and nipped at the flesh. Yet another of Jun's impossible-to-do feats; I'd spent many a Latin lecture with my thumb in my mouth, trying to draw blood. Not because I'm a masochistic nutjob, but because I'd wanted to see if it was actually possible. I have this thing about trying to mimic people I'd really like to meet, because quite frankly, mimicry is a form of flattery. Anyway, Jun was now composing a new inscription on a blank slip of paper; one I knew would mean certain death for Yoh, and probably myself as well.

"Pailong!" she yelled, showing off yet again how she could defy the laws of physics by shooting another talisman to Pailong's head. "Attack! And don't stop until he's dead!" Manta screamed something incoherent as Yoh was flung high above us, Pailong hot on his trail. I desperately wanted to yell out to Pailong to stop, but what would that do? He couldn't hear me; he was dead. Manta was sobbing uncontrollably next to me, yelling out to Yoh to fight back and such, but I knew Yoh couldn't hear him. If a kung-fu master has just buried his foot into your stomach, chances are you won't hear too much.

I watched Yoh receive another mid-air kick, this time to the shoulder. He was thrown ever so slightly upward, despite the fact that he was about twenty feet from the ground already. Then he was falling back down the hard pavement, and I couldn't help myself from thinking back to a few weeks prior; back when I was safe and sound at my little New England school. I was giving a message to the Algebra teacher from my Latin teacher. Just as I was entering, he was yapping on and on to the seventh graders about parabolas.

'I wonder how fast Yoh will be falling when he hits the pavement,' I found myself thinking. Wouldn't Mr. K. be proud of me if he knew that I was thinking about parabolas when my "fiancé" was about to be killed? 'Smooth, Kitty. Really smooth. Let's all think about math while Yoh gets killed.' Almost as if to mock me, Yoh came crashing down onto a pile of garbage cans behind Manta and myself. What a horrible place to die... Amidst litter and rotten fish. I'm sure that wasn't the place Yoh wanted his deathbed to be...

"Yoh-kun!" Manta screamed as Yoh received a kick to the face from Pailong. I was pretty sure I heard something crack with that last hit, and I'd hoped Pailong had hurt his foot on Yoh's hard head. "_Yoh-kun!_" the tiny blonde shrieked, rushing to his best friend's side. Yoh muttered something, then passed out completely. "Wake up, Yoh-kun!"

"Manta," I said suddenly. I'd realized I'd been almost completely silent this whole time, and thought now was as good a time as any to say something productive. Maybe if Yoh could get a real sword before Amidamaru asked for one, we could all be spared the trouble of having to summon Sha-Wen; a task I was most definitely _not_ prepared for. "Run back to Funbari Onsen"

"What!" he squealed, holding on tight to Yoh's unconscious form. "I can't just leave Yoh here to die!"

"He'll be fine!" I said, though it was louder than I'd planned. "Look, Manta; you need to run back to Funbari Onsen and get Yoh's sword for him. He can't fight with that pipe for much longer."

"But" Manta started, hugging Yoh tightly. "I can't"

"Kitty-dono is correct," Amidamaru said, taking complete control of Yoh's body for a moment. "If I had a weapon with a proper hilt to grip, I might be able to defeat this foe."

"What if Yoh dies when I'm gone!" Manta yelled. God, that kid really had some lung power; he might just become the next Celine Dion... Only shorter...and blonder...and male... Yeah, never mind... Anyway, I gave Manta a stern look, and I'm guessing Amidamaru did as well, because the blonde squirmed a bit.

"He'll be all right until you get back, Manta-kun," I urged. "But you need to hurry; if he doesn't get that sword as soon as possible, I can't make any guarantees."

"Alright..." Manta said quietly, letting go of Yoh. "But you have to promise me that Yoh will still be alive when I get back..."

"Yes," I said quickly. "Now go!" Sensing a bit too much uneasiness from Manta, I spoke again. "I'll protect him with my life! Just go!" Manta nodded, then turned and scampered off. I hoped I'd eased his fears a little; I know for a fact that I'm not the most comforting person in a time of crisis, even though I mean to be. Just as soon as the sound of Manta's footfalls had disappeared, I kneeled over Yoh, trying to find out if anything had been broken and if there was a bone jutting out of his skin somewhere. Then I felt an icy stare on me. For a moment I thought Anna had returned and was seeking revenge on me, but when I turned to see who was glaring at me, I saw only Jun.

"What a silly little girl you are," she said, stalking towards me. I suddenly realized just how tall my would-be sister-in-law was, and I felt like I was about the same size as Manta, or maybe even shorter. "You shouldn't sacrifice yourself for this fool who can't even keep himself out of trouble."

"What are you talking about?" I demanded. If I could stall them long enough, maybe Manta could be back with a sword before another blow was delivered to either Yoh or myself.

"This Asakura Yoh..." Jun laughed. "If he'd given up the samurai ghost when I'd first asked him to, you'd be on your merry way home right now." If it had occurred to me that Jun talked like she was one of Tolkien's characters, I probably wouldn't like her quite as much as I did.

"Yoh would never do that!" I barked. "Amidamaru is our friend! We could never give him up to someone like you!" I tried to sound like I was as used to these little friendship speeches as Yoh was, but I got the feeling I wasn't convincing. To my surprise, Jun laughed again, but it was Yoh who spoke.

"Kitty-chan's right," he mumbled from his place on the ground. "If we asked you to give up your little brother to us so we could use him as a slave, would you?" Instead of saying something to back Yoh up as I'd planned, I just froze, all sorts of thoughts going through my mind. Ren could sure as hell be _my_ slave. Yeah... Maybe I should ask for him for my next birthday... Though I'd possibly be the only sixteen-year-old I knew not asking for a car.

"What an atrocious analogy!" Jun cried, glaring at my "fiancé." Stupid Yoh! If he'd just kept his big mouth shut, Jun wouldn't be so quick to lose her temper. "It's hardly the same thing!"

"It's really not," Yoh insisted. He had stood himself up, and by now was clinging to me so he wouldn't fall over. Apparently that last knock to the head had screwed up his sense of balance a bit, or maybe just the part of his brain that says 'Uh-uh, Yoh! No PDA!' Either way, Yoh continued what I sensed was the beginning of one of his little friendship speeches. "They're both souls with memories and feelings, so why does it make it fair to use one of them for your own selfish purposes just because he doesn't have a body?" Ooh, I knew which one I'd use for my own selfish purposes, but he happens to have a body... A very nice body, might I add...

"The samurai ghost doesn't have memories or feelings!" Jun yelled, whipping out a new talisman and sticking it to Pailong's forehead. "Pailong! Teach these children that they're wrong!" Pailong had apparently disappeared during our little chat with Jun, but there he was again, looming over the pair of us. I gasped; trying to figure out how I was going to escape and keep Yoh alive at the same time. I grabbed Yoh's hand out of fear, my own shaking like mad.

"Can you run, Yoh-koi?" I whispered, tightening my grip on Yoh's hand.

"I don't think so," he murmured, shaking his head. He was still leaning on me, and proving to be quite heavy. If it had been the other way around and I couldn't walk, I was sure Yoh could have lifted me with no trouble at all. For a moment, I actually thought about leaving him there, but I decided nothing good would come out of being a coward, so I stood firmly where I was. If I was going to die, I felt as though I should go bravely.

"Do you have any tactics you've been using?" I asked. Maybe Yoh had been aiming for the wrong place.

"He does not appear to have any weak points," Amidamaru said, though he was speaking through Yoh. "I know not where to attack." I thought for a moment, trying to remember what Anna would say.

"Try to cut through the talisman on his forehead," I said, feeling mighty smart. "If that gets destroyed, Jun won't have any more control over him, and we'll be alright."

"I understand," Amidamaru said, nodding. "And I now see why Yoh-dono's family selected you to marry him; you are a quick thinker on your feet and a valuable asset to Yoh-dono himself." I blushed, forgetting the horrid things that were about to happen to Yoh and myself.

"Thanks, but I know you're just saying that," I laughed, toying with my scarf. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Yoh's eyes widen at something I couldn't see.

"Kitty-chan!" he began, but it was too late. Something with about the force of a freight train slammed into my face. I heard something in the general area of my nose crack loudly, then a wave of heat gushing down over my mouth and chin. Apparently, Pailong had given me a boot to the face, and he wasn't about to stop there. I wasn't too sure when it happened, but one second I was standing next to Yoh, clutching my bleeding nose, then the next my head had whacked onto a the pavement about twenty feet behind me. Nothing hurt for a good fifteen seconds, but as soon as the little black dots began to disappear from my vision, I was in complete agony. Kohl-stained tears flowed as freely as my nose bled, as I watched Pailong speed towards me again, probably going in for the kill.

I shut my eyes tightly, waiting for the death blow. As I laid on the cold pavement, I could see my life flashing before my eyes, but it was sickeningly short; so short that I could have called for a rerun and enjoyed the whole thing again before Pailong got to me. Anyway, I waited anxiously for my death for a few seconds, but nothing came. I heard the noise of some kind of scuffle going on, and I assumed Yoh was trying to save me like a good fiancé should. Then, the fighting noises stopped, and it sounded as if someone had jumped from where Pailong was about ten feet away and practically landed on top of me when he or she had landed. Assuming it was Yoh, I opened my eyes slowly, and gawked up at the figure standing less than a foot behind my head.

Tao Ren stood above me, a gleaming kwan-dao in his hands, and he was glaring at Yoh, Jun and Pailong, breathing rather hard.

"**_AAAAAAAEEEEEEEEEIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!_**" Before I could control myself, I had shrieked the most fangirl-ish scream I think I'd ever heard, and let me tell you, I _did_ hear it. It echoed around the neighborhood for quite a few seconds, but no one seemed to notice. The three living combatants were all glaring at one another, and Pailong had completely frozen, mid-stride. As my scream echoed around, it was still possibly the only thought my mind could form. But as soon as my brain had cleared itself, it formed three logical thoughts. The first was something along the lines of: 'Oh my God! I'm not dead! And Ren is the one to thank! This is like a dream come true!' My second thought was a bit more like something my old self would say: 'What the hell is up with this! The one time I get to see Ren, my nose is gushing blood like Niagara Falls! So _charming!_' And my third thought...well, if I shared this thought with you, I'd probably have my account taken away, so I'll just keep you guessing.

"Ren!" Yoh yelled. I couldn't tell if he was happy or mad or what else, but all I'd known was that my "fiancé" had just yelled out my beloved's name, and my beloved was all that mattered at the moment. He and the shorts he was wearing. He had donned that school uniform...you know, the one with the short-shorts that we're all so fond of. And, with my head laying on the ground dangerously close to his feet, I had a perfect view _up_ these wonderful shorts. But dammit all to the eighth circle of hell, _it was too dark to see anything worth seeing!_

"Nee-san," the Delectable One said, addressing his sister. "Don't harm these two any further."

"Ren!" Jun exclaimed, still surprised to see her brother there. "What are you talking about? You want Asakura's samurai ghost, do you not?"

"I do," he said. "But if anyone is going to kill these two, I want it to be me. I want to claim the samurai ghost myself." With that, Ren glanced at me. _Ren_ glanced at _me! _I saw those majestic golden eyes sweep over my sprawled form, and I could only wonder what he was thinking. I hoped it was something along the same prematurely lustful line as my thoughts were traveling in, but then again, I could doubt that. I was bleeding, tears were still streaming from my eyes, and I was feeling...less than appealing at the moment.

"Where is the samurai ghost?" Ren demanded suddenly, making quite possibly the most intense eye contact I've ever experienced. Not letting his perfect saffron-colored eyes stray from mine, I shook my head, utterly speechless. Ren's eyes have this mystic quality to them; once you look into them for more than a few seconds, you're hooked. And suddenly, all the clichéd saying about drowning in your beloved's eyes were true. I almost couldn't breathe, though I had a sneaking suspicion that it might have had something to do with the kick I'd received a few minutes prior from Pailong.

"I...I..." I felt like the biggest idiot on the planet. The Delectable One was addressing me, and I could do no more than to stutter.

"Answer me, woman," Ren growled. If I could have stood up and slapped him in the face, I probably would have. But a.) I'd been dealt a pretty good kick to the ribs by Pailong, so I wouldn't be getting up on my own anytime soon. b.) I try not to use violence as a form of self-expression. And c.) I don't think I'd ever do anything that would hurt my little Renny-poo.

"I said you can't have him!" Yoh yelled from somewhere that now seemed far away. My entire world had almost disappeared except for Ren, myself, and my bleeding nose and aching ribs. But suddenly, that world had come crashing back into place, complete with Jun, Pailong, and my "fiancé."

"What's this, Asakura?" Ren sneered, his gaze leaving mine. I felt myself draw the first real breath I'd taken in probably about a minute. "I don't think you should be trying to call the shots here. I could kill both of you right now if I wanted to." To this, Yoh could only snarl some words of disgust. I think he flipped Ren off for a moment, because the younger of the Tao siblings suddenly growled, pressing the blade of the kwan-dao directly at my throat when I sat up.

"Kitty-chan!" Yoh yelled, grabbing hold of that same pipe he'd been wielding before.

"If you don't give me the samurai ghost right now, I'll kill the little bitch." I felt my eyes widen in horror. Great. The one chance I get to meet Ren, he wants to kill me. Just so romantic. Dammit, where was Manta? I'd sent him off a long time ago to get Yoh's sword. I hoped he hadn't gotten himself lost. I'd known for a fact that the streets of Tokyo were very confusing, even during the day. But he'd lived there for a while, so I assumed he should know his way around.

"Please don't do that," I squeaked, giving Ren a pitiful look. "I'd be awfully sad if you killed me." So much for telling the heart-wrenching tale of Yoh and myself, and how he'd lost all of his memories of me because of Anna. I doubt he'd understand it just quite yet. He was still in his I-hate-the-world frame of mind, and there wasn't much I could do.

"Give me the damn ghost!" Ren ordered, pressing the blade of the kwan-dao into the flesh at the base of my throat gently. It wasn't enough to break the skin, but I knew that if he pressed any harder, Yoh would be back down to having only one fiancée.

"Amidamaru is my friend!" Yoh yelled. "I can't just give him up to you!" Ren pressed the blade the tiniest bit more to my throat. I felt the skin break in a sort of little 'pop,' and I gasped as the a small trail of blood trickled down into my scarf, staining it reddish-brown. "Ren, stop it!" Yoh had screamed so loudly that I heard his voice squeak a little. Then I saw my "fiancé" charging at Ren, still grasping the pipe. The blade left my throat, only to be replaced by my hand. It was the tiniest of cuts, and there felt to be more blood than necessary, probably from the fact that my heart was racing.

The sounds of metal on metal echoed throughout the neighborhood, and Jun, Pailong, and myself seemed to be completely forgotten as Ren and Yoh hacked away at each other. I was honestly torn between who I wanted to win: if Yoh was victorious, I probably wouldn't die, but Ren would have gotten hurt. But if Ren remained unscathed, Yoh and I would be dead in a few seconds, and Amidamaru would be taken as Ren's slave. Dammit, that was the job I wanted! Stupid Amidamaru...

****

Tsuzuku

****

End Part IV.

A/N: I think I've just lost all of my alleged-innocence... And sanity... Just so you know, reviews are really nice. (This fic seems to be lacking in them all of a sudden.) Just like always, here are the review responses. (_looks down at review responses_) I really have too much time on my hands.

**Lell:** It's okay, no need to rush yourself or apologize for anything; you just have a life. Anyway (brace yourself, here comes a story) I read a fic last summer (I forget what fandom) where the author visits the fantasy world of her choice. She was very disappointed to find that she had not transformed into one of the idealistic Mary Sues that she'd read about, and instead had remained her... less-than-perfect self, remaining clumsy, overweight, and completely unfit for the task for herself and her companions had been bestowed. Just the way she wrote about absolutely adoring a certain character through all the horrible things that were happening to her and her companions was just so realistic, because she knew she'd never have him, but made fun of herself because she knew how pathetic she was. I'm trying my best to mimic that, because I know I'm not perfect and that Ren would never go for anyone even remotely similar to myself. And no, I don't hate Tamao. She's my favorite female character in the show, and I think it's so sweet that she loves Yoh. _(locks Anna in a closet so Tamao can have Yoh)_ Yeah, and I think that was my longest response to a review. Ever.

****

Lain Mikado: It's believable because I'm trying to remain my normal, out-of-shape, sarcastic-yet-optimistic self. If you want the whole explanation of my reasons, try reading my response to Lell. Not that I don't want you to know because I didn't write it in your response too, it's just that it's an awfully long bit of text to paraphrase. (_laughs nervously_) The numbers after the words were footnotes that I forgot to finish. (_laughs_) They're the dub names for things I kept the original Japanese names for.

****

soccer-**cutie67:** I have a thing against sweaty people hugging me, no matter who it is. And even though I'm like the biggest yaoi fan ever, I'd prefer to have Yoh-tachi be straight during my visit, just to make it easier for me to attempt to score someone. (_coughRencough_)

****

Akio the Dragon Master: Maybe thirty miles a _little_ too much for poor Yoh… I don't know, I can be really dumb when it comes to doing math quickly like that. But no worries; he'll get used to it soon enough!

****

Sakura Mitsu: I know, I'm worse than Anna when it comes to making people train like that. My friend and I were appointed co-captains of the soccer team the other day, so by the time the team got finished with all their exercises and running and stuff, they were completely wiped out! But yeah, at the moment I'm really disliking Anna. I just don't know why, though…

****

AinuPunk (err... Kya): Okay, I won't come near your Horo-kun, so don't worry! Though he _is_ the only one in the cast who I could go snowboarding with, so I'm not sure if I can hold out _forever_. He'll just be my mountain-buddy.

****

SGCred: Oh, I think I would have gotten more than a small glimpse of Ren, but dammit, that scene had to occur after sundown. (_goes off to install streetlights every three feet down the road_)


	5. Of Broken Arms and Letters to Izumo

A/N: It's been a while since I've last written anything... But here's the new chapter! I'm actually surprised I've made it to five chapters! I thought I'd lose interest after the third chapter, but I guess I thought up something interesting. (Okay, technically it was Hiroyuki Takei who thought this whole thing up, but it was my idea to insert good ol' Kitty-chan into it!) As usual, reviews are at the bottom of the page...

Rag Doll

Part V: Of Broken Arms and Letters to Izumo

Why Yoh thought he could beat Ren was completely beyond me. Ren had that ultra-spiffy kwan-dao that could cut through a moving eighteen-wheeler, while Yoh...he had a two-foot-long pipe. I'll admit, getting whacked with a pipe _does_ hurt, but come on, Yoh! How could you be that stupid! Do you really think that you're going to beat Ren and save Amidamaru using nothing more than a _pipe! _I heaved a sigh, knowing that if Manta didn't get back soon with Yoh's sword, our dead bodies would be found the next morning by a movie theater worker or whatnot.

"Give me the damn samurai!" I heard Ren bark, practically skewering Yoh on the blunt-yet-still-dangerously-pointy end of the kwan-dao. I wished Ren wasn't so violent about what he desired; did he even _ask_ Yoh if he could have Amidamaru? If I remember correctly, he just walked up to Yoh and said, "Gimme the samurai," and when he didn't get what he wanted, he tried to hack off Yoh's arm. Or something like that...

"I can't do that!" Yoh choked, holding onto his stomach where Ren had tried to make him into a shish-kabob. "I'd never betray a friend!" Suddenly, I saw Jun take a step forward; one of those huge steps that usually accompanies some sort of brilliant revelation.

"Pailong!" she yelled, pulling a new talisman from her garter. "Assist my little brother! We're wasting too much time here as it is!" Suddenly, that talisman was stuck to Pailong's forehead, and he was charging full-force at my already-weakened "fiancé." Wait a minute! That was _not_ supposed to happen! Manta was supposed to be back already with Yoh's sword, and then Anna was supposed to summon Sha-Wen's spirit, and _bing bang boom_-we would have Jun and Pailong on our side. But of course, _of course_, we _had_ to send Anna back home to Izumo. Now we would die, and it was all because Yoh just _had_ to back me up in my opinion. Stupid Yoh...

As I had suspected, the combination of Pailong and Ren fighting together had Yoh beaten to something that almost resembled one of those little stress-reducers toys that your dad always has on his desk at work. No, there didn't appear to be any missing limbs or displaced organs, but quite a number of bruises and bumps had appeared, and by the way Yoh was holding his left arm, it looked to be broken. I seriously hoped it wasn't, though, because that would most likely be the end of us. Just as I was sure Pailong and Ren were about to kill Yoh, I heard pattering footsteps approaching from down the street.

"Manta-kun!" I squealed, knowing that only Yoh's best friend could take steps that small while running. Sure enough, the little blonde boy skidded around the corner of the bookshop on the corner, sword in hand and panting like there was no tomorrow. Of course, Manta's entire world seems to revolve around Yoh, so he failed to notice me and my bleeding nose.

"Yoh-kun!" he wailed, hightailing his way over to Yoh, the sword completely forgotten. I noticed that Manta was in no way injured, meaning that he hadn't met up with Ryu and his gang. Apparently he was after a real sword, not a bokuto, because that was what he had returned with. It wasn't as dramatic as the manga-version when Manta didn't get the crap kicked out of him, but I think it saved a little time having him run all the way to Funbari Onsen.

"Manta..." Yoh murmured, gazing up at his best friend. I didn't know how I could hear a noise so small from about twenty-five feet away, but I guessed heightened senses were one of the magical powers the anime-world was so blessed with.

"I got you a sword!" Manta exclaimed, remembering his task and shoving the sword into Yoh's hands. "Now you can fight Pailong!" Yoh looked relieved to an extent, but he fixed his eyes on Ren, who had managed to hide himself in the shadow of a parked car.

"I'm facing more than Pailong," Yoh said gravely, nodding toward Ren.

"That's Ren!" Manta yelped, absolutely beside himself. "Yoh-kun, you can't fight Ren _an_d Lee Pailong at the same time! We've got to get outta here!" Despite his best friend's dramatics, Yoh just sighed.

"If that's what I hafta do to keep Amidamaru safe, that's what I'm gonna do." Really deep, Yoh; too bad it _won't work!_ Manta seemed to have the same thoughts as I did, because he tried to prevent Yoh from standing and fighting with all he had in him.

"You _can't!_" Manta said, tears springing to his eyes as a possible last ditch effort to keep Yoh from fighting Pailong and Ren. "You just can't"

"Everything will work out fine," Yoh said serenely as he stood. "Just you watch." There was just something about the way he looked at Manta when he said this that made me want to believe him. He seemed to confident about his abilities, even though his left arm was most likely broken.

"Don't be a fool," Ren cut in suddenly. Well, that ruined the mood. Definitely. "You're not even a match for me, so there's no way you can beat me _and _Pailong." To this, Yoh only smiled peacefully. I didn't understand how anyone could smile like that with a newly-broken arm, but then again, Yoh is capable of some pretty amazing things when he sets his mind to them, so I guessed I'd better not think it over too much.

Anyhow, Ren seemed to take offense at Yoh's smile; maybe he thought Yoh was mocking him by remaining so peaceful during a fight. The Delectable One launched himself at Yoh, followed closely by Pailong. In almost an instant, metal had hit metal as Yoh's sword and Ren's kwan-dao met in mid-air, then the sound of Manta's scream echoed around. He hadn't had a chance to scoot off to the sidelines before Yoh and Ren had resumed their fight, and had ended up scant inches from the pair of razor-sharp blades. Trembling, he scurried out of the way and proceeded to hide himself behind me.

"Do you think Yoh-kun can win, Kitty-chan?" he asked nervously, glancing between myself and the fight.

"I really hope so," I said, feeling proud of myself for having spoken the for the first time this chapter. It wasn't like me to remain completely silent for too long, but I guess I was too enthralled watching the fight to even form a logical thought. Plus, I didn't really have anyone to talk _to_; the Delectable One and my "fiancé" were in the middle of a fight, and I didn't really have too much to say to either Jun or Pailong at the moment.

"I hope so, too," Manta said quietly. I was dead sure he had some kind of interior monologue going on in his head as the two of us resumed watching the fight.

What I just didn't understand was how Yoh's fighting ability could have increased that much just by gaining a sword. I mean, I knew Amidamaru said it would help, but damn, Yoh was kicking so much ass it wasn't even funny. Soon enough, my "fiancé" had cut through the talisman on Pailong's forehead, rendering him utterly useless; by the way he had fallen to the ground, face down, it made it exceedingly difficult for Jun to attach a new talisman to his forehead. Of course, the dao-shi could have just turned him over and gotten back to business, but it didn't seem to be her style to do any actual work.

"Whoa!" Manta said breathlessly, gazing at Pailong. Since Yoh had obtained a sword, the mood of the situation had brightened considerably. "Yoh and Amidamaru just took out Lee Pailong! It's more amazing than the movies!"

I smiled; maybe we wouldn't die after all.

Just as this thought passed through my head, I saw the Delectable One receive a particularly harsh blow and come skidding across the pavement towards Manta and myself. Manta scooted himself out of the way so that Ren wouldn't bowl him over. I imagine sliding along pavement like that must be particularly painful, especially in shorts as short as Ren's. Small scrapes had made themselves visible on the Delectable One's gorgeously-tanned skin, but he didn't seem to notice them. As soon as Ren began to stand up, Yoh and Amidamaru were right there in front of him, pointing the tip of the sword at his throat.

"Looks like I've got you beat, Ren," Yoh said, smiling sheepishly. "Don't try to fight me anymore. You'll only end up getting hurt." Ren glared at him, then at the ground. Apparently, he wasn't very good at admitting defeat. Just then, Ren sprang up from the ground, though not viciously.

"I let you win," he snorted, stalking toward his sister. "It wouldn't have been honorable to take the samurai when you were that wounded." He nodded at Yoh's left arm, then motioned to Jun. "Come on, Jun," he said. Jun nodded silently, then disappeared into the night with her little brother. I tried to get one last look of the Delectable One and his delightful backside, but alas, it was too dark.

"I think Ren was lying when he said he let me win," Yoh said, blinking.

"I agree," Amidamaru said, nodding. He'd left Yoh's body just a moment ago, and had yet to return to his memorial tablet. "Someone such as Tao Ren would not give up so easily." Manta nodded vigorously.

"It's a good thing you got that sword, Yoh-kun," the blonde said enthusiastically. Yoh laughed, leaning on his sword a bit with his good arm.

"Yeah, if it weren't for you, Manta, I might even be dead right now!" Yoh said happily. Manta smiled pensively, and everything went silent for a moment.

"Kitty-chan!" Yoh exclaimed suddenly, breaking the silence. "Your nose! Is it okay!" I'd just about forgotten that Pailong had kicked me in the face, except for the dull throbbing coming from my nose. Of course, Yoh drawing attention to it made it seem to hurt even more.

"I think it's okay," I said, crossing my eyes to try to assess the damage. _No_, it was most definitely _not_ okay! There was a bump on the bridge of it; a trait I hadn't possessed beforehand. I'd had a friend who got elbowed in the face during a frisbee game and broke her nose, and she still has that same kind of bump. Now, I don't know about you, but I happened to like the way my face looked before going to see 'Fist of Rage,' and I didn't want to have a nose-bump for the rest of my life.

"That's good," Yoh said caringly. "I wish I could say the same about my arm, though." Suddenly, the attention that was focused on my face was now on Yoh's arm, which most definitely was broken.

"We've gotta get you to the hospital, Yoh-kun!" Manta yelled. He always seemed to be a little overly-dramatic when it came to his best friend, and now was no exception.

"But I was just there a few weeks ago," Yoh pouted.

"Manta-dono is correct," Amidamaru said, crossing his own unbroken arms. "You need medical attention if that arm is going to heal properly."

"But" Yoh tried, but Manta interjected.

"Nope, you're going to the hospital _right now_," the blonde insisted, pushing Yoh along down the street. Amidamaru and I followed them soon after to the hospital.

((Later... At the hospital...))

I'd received a tiny brace for my nose from the doctors, and at the moment it was currently stuck to my face as I sat alone in the waiting room of the hospital. Manta and Amidamaru had accompanied Yoh to the X-ray room, leaving me alone in the funny-smelling waiting room to ponder that evening's events.

Just for the record, I'm one of the few people in the world that doesn't hate hospitals. Yes, they're antiseptic and impersonal, but without them, there would be a great deal fewer people in the world. And my nose would end up being a funny shape for the rest of my life.

Anyway, after many minutes of thinking about oh-so-many things, I came to the conclusion that I could not train Yoh any longer. He had escaped from Ren and Pailong with a broken arm; not something that had happened in the canon story. I knew I could train Yoh physically almost as well as Anna could, but I most definitely couldn't teach him how to become a better shaman. And, I was beginning to fear that the Tokagero-incident was approaching far too quickly for my liking. If I couldn't summon Mosuke to come and fix Harusame when that whole episode was done, then things just wouldn't _work_.

So, I made up my mind that I'd have to get Anna back at Funbari Onsen.

After a few moments of searching, I found a pad of that hospital paper with the logo in the top corner, and a cheap pen that didn't write very well, and I began composing my letter to Anna. If I asked her to come back without making myself sound desperate, maybe she would come and train Yoh and save our butts. Heck, maybe we could even be (and I shudder at the thought) ...friends.

__

Dear Anna,

It might seem odd for me to ask this of you so soon after your return to Izumo, but I feel that you are needed here in Tokyo more than back home. You see, Yoh got into a fight with a rival shaman and his sister recently over Amidamaru. He won the fight, you'll be happy to hear, but he broke his arm in the process. It is not serious, but I am still worried for him. There are other shamans out there who could do more considerable damage to my fiancé than a broken arm, and I feel them drawing closer as each day passes by. I've been training him using a regimen similar to yours, but it doesn't appear doing the job. I seem to be unfit as a personal trainer for Yoh, so I'm asking you to join the two of us here in Tokyo. We'd enjoy your company as soon as possible, but we understand if you don't want to come back.

With love, Kitty

For some bizarre reason, I always ended up sounding so formal when I was writing letters in cursive. But this time it made me feel a whole lot smarter than Anna, so I didn't mind quite as much as usual. I planned to mail my letter as soon as we got out of the hospital.

((Still later... At Funbari Onsen...))

I'd mailed the letter off to Izumo as soon as Yoh had pried the doctors away from his arm and we were able to leave. I wasn't quite sure why, but the cast on Yoh's left arm was the most blinding shade of orange I'd ever seen. It was like the orange vests that hunters wear when they go off into the woods, only this was actually too painful to look at. I shuddered slightly, knowing that Yoh's cast wouldn't be coming off for a few weeks at the very least, so I'd have to endure that horrid thing until then. I glared at it hatefully for a moment.

"I thought you said your nose was fine," Yoh laughed suddenly, as if he hadn't noticed the brace. My nose seemed to be his only topic of interest since Pailong had broken it, and he'd spent almost every second since Manta went up to bed staring at it.

"I thought it was, too," I said, averting my eyes from the cast before I got a headache. "But the doctors seemed to have other ideas."

"That's okay," he grinned. "I still think it's just as cute as ever." And with that, he leaned over and kissed the tip of said broken-nose lightly. Even though I was entirely used to the idea of kissing-friends, Yoh did not happen to _be_ one of my kissing-friends, and I felt the urge to rip his head off growing stronger as the nano-seconds zipped by. And wait just a minute! Did he just call my nose _cute!_ I really hoped that I'd just misunderstood him; it was pretty late at the moment, and I have a tendency to hear things wrong when I'm in need of sleep. But this time, I was almost sure I'd heard him right, and I was just about ready to _actually_ rip his head off. Now, don't get me wrong, I knew what a wonderful thing being kissed by Yoh was, and I knew (and still do know) many, _many_ girls who'd kill to have the honor bestowed on them, but honestly, I wanted none of it. If you recall, _Ren_ was the one I had been scheming to seduce since this whole ordeal started, not any lazy Asakura-boy!

I stood up a bit too quickly before Yoh could try and hug me to death like he usually did. I could feel the blood rushing around in my head, and it took me a moment before I had enough balance to walk.

"Oyasumi, Yoh-koi," I said, making my escape less-than-subtly.

"Oyasumi!" I heard Yoh call as I jogged up the stairs. I scooted down the hall as fast as I could without waking Manta, who had decided to spend the night in a spare room. When I entered my room, I was a little angry that I had to roll out the whole futon-thing on the floor. If I had been back at home, I could have just hopped in my bed and gone to sleep, but no-o-o-o! I had to set up a futon. I added a bed to the list of things I needed to acquire for Funbari Onsen. (A shower, a new TV, a dishwasher, etc. The list went on and on.) But as soon as I crawled under the heavy blankets of the futon, I was almost instantly asleep.

I dreamt that I had convinced Ren into becoming my cheerleader for when I played volleyball. Heck, he even had on a frilly little skirt and was waving around puffy pink pompoms. It must have been that blow to the head earlier that evening.

The next day, I awoke as early as a fifteen-year-old ever could, and headed downstairs. Shortly after, Manta appeared in the kitchen, and the two of us carried on a rather long conversation about oh-so-many things as I attempted to make muffins. It was like the Manta-and-Kitty bonding time.

"I wrote to Anna," I told Manta, who blinked.

"How come?" he asked. "I though you two were rivals."

"We are, but I'm worried that Yoh-koi isn't strong enough," I said. I was actually being serious about something for the first time since I'd arrived in the Shaman King-world. "So I need Anna to train him for me."

"But Yoh-kun took out Lee Pailong last night!" Manta said loudly. I shook my head, feeling like such a downer. It wasn't like me to be talking to someone around my age and not be laughing my head off.

"But Pailong broke his arm," I said. "It wasn't supposed to be that way, Manta-kun. And if you hadn't gotten there with the sword, Yoh-koi would've been killed." Manta fell silent, staring at the muffins through the oven window. Just then, I heard Yoh's footsteps coming down the stairs.

"Don't tell Yoh-koi that I invited Anna back here," I said quietly, opening the oven door to inspect my muffins. "He'll be mad at me for sure," I added, smiling a little at what I'd just said. Yoh hardly ever got mad about anything, so why would he be upset with me for inviting his real fiancée back.

"I won't," Manta said, and for an unknown reason, the two of us shared a private giggle.

"Ohayô!" Yoh called as he entered the kitchen a moment later, wearing an off-white yukata. He took a long, happy sniff of the muffin-scented air, then sighed. "Smells good," he said, practically dancing into the kitchen. Either he'd had an inspiration for something or other, or he'd had a particularly erotic dream, because those are the only two things I know of that could make a person that happy so early in the morning.

"Ohayô," Manta and I chorused, and Yoh pranced over to the kitchen table and sat down.

"You're looking...peachy...this morning," I said, pulling the muffins out of the pan. "Sleep well?"

"Uh-huh," he said, and I arched an eyebrow. Yep, he'd had an erotic dream for sure. There was no denying it. "Best I've slept in a while."

"I see," I said, nodding and turning my back on Yoh and Manta. Before I could even offer either of the boys a muffin, I heard a knocking at the front door. I scurried out of the kitchen towards the door and opened it delicately. Even if I wasn't dressed or anything, I still felt like I should act dainty when I greeted strangers at the door. Of course, this was no stranger.

Kyôyama Anna stood in the door way, a little red bag on a stick over her shoulder and a scowl on her face.

"Hello Anna," I said cheerfully. "It's nice to see you got here safely." Anna glared, and I shifted my yukata around a bit. It was starting to fall down a little, and I got the feeling that Anna would be adding 'slut' and 'whore' and whatnot to the long list of bad names for me if I was any more un-presentable. That is, if those words weren't already on the list.

"Where's Yoh?" she asked, her eyes traveling accusingly over the area of skin near my collarbone.

"He's in the kitchen," I said, securing a welcoming smile on my face. "Come in and have breakfast with us; we've got fresh muffins"

"Yoh has to train," Anna barked suddenly. If it hadn't been directed at me, I would have laughed my ass off at how her high-pitched voice squeaked when she yelled. "He doesn't have time for muffins!" If her whiny voice wasn't funny enough as it was, that that last comment was. I giggled, though I tried not to. "What's so funny?" she hissed.

"Don't be so silly Anna," I said, acting as her complete opposite. "Come in and have something to eat with us. We can catch up on things." With that, I tried to guide Anna into the kitchen like a good hostess should. Of course, she resisted.

"Don't act to familiar with me," she snarled, stalking ahead of me into the kitchen. I blinked, then smiled as I heard Yoh's and Manta's startled reactions to the itako.

And, I'm not kidding, within five minutes of her arrival, Anna had Yoh up and running like she'd never left, and Manta was scrubbing away at just about everything in sight. When Anna took a momentary bathroom break from her bossing-around duties, I grabbed the opportunity and scooted my ass out the front door and away from Funbari Onsen for the day. Maybe I could go shopping...It bothered me quite a bit that everyone wore the same clothes day after day, leaving it up to me to break the cycle. So, a-shopping I would go! And without Anna bossing me around or Yoh trying to hug me to death, I would be a happy camper!

****

End Part V.

A/N: Not too much to say at the moment... Oh, right! I joined the 30 Kisses community at Livejournal, so I'll be writing those 30 Yoh x Tamao fics I've been scheming to write for a while. I think that after five chapters of Anna-bashing, I can express my love of Yoh x Tamao without being worried about those freakishly-obsessive Yoh x Anna 'shippers coming after me. (Honestly, I've seen people so infatuated with that couple that it's stated in their pennames. Not a bad thing, really...just...scary.) Anyway, here are those happy little review responses I have to much fun writing!

****

WiNdScArBaBe: Sorry if this disappoints you, but Anna will be back within the next chapter. I know, not my favorite thing to do, but Yoh needs the training if things are going to play out like they did in the series. Ah! You used the cool 'wowishness'-word again! I don't know why I like it so much...

****

Sakura Mitsu: I think this chapter was the most fun out of all of them to write. I got to express things that I'd had inside of me for almost two years ago when I first saw Ren in that issue of Shônen Jump, so it almost feels like a big weight has been lifted off my chest in revealing that Ren-obsessed semi-perverted part of myself. Oh dear, now I just sound like the old guidance counselor talking about how great it is to be myself. I'll shut up now...

****

SGCred: I think by actually introducing Ren to the Jun-and-Pailong arc, I'm stretching canon a little too much, so I need to restore things to the way they are in the series as fast as I can, while still having my way in staying at Funbari Onsen. But don't worry, Ren will be back sometime when I look presentable.

****

The Summer Stars: As I mentioned last time, the real point of this is to go beyond the average self-insertion/OC/Mary Sue in that, if I act exactly as I would in real life, people will be able to sympathize and relate to me quite a bit more than if I just whipped out some awesome female-ninja-ghost and started kicking everyone's asses with her and my amazing store of mana/furyoku (I honestly can't remember which is which...). Yeah, if I ever remember what fic I was reading last year, I'll be sure to tell you. I think it was a DBZ or Inu-Yasha fic... As for Tamao, I really think she should be with Yoh. (Hence the 30 Kisses challenge dedicated to Yoh x Tamao.)

****

soccer-cutie67: I don't know why, but there's a huge part of me that says that Ren and Yoh are both bi. I think it's because I love yaoi so much, but I'd just be too jealous if both of them only liked other guys and couldn't ever find a place for me like they could, say... Horo. Solution? Make them bisexual; double the fun. (Yes, it's a bit gross when you think about it that I can alter their sexuality in my head, but, if you've read the last two chapters of this fic, you must know that I'm not quite as innocent as I appeared to be back in Chapter 1.)

****

Dreammistress Jade: It's okay, hun! Just calm down! Deep breaths! (_takes a few deep breaths_) Anyway, I don't see why you're apologizing; you have a life and I don't. It's as simple as that, so don't worry about anything. I'll send you the next chapter as soon as I get it done, and you can reply when you get the time. And chill; I won't let anyone die yet. (Though I have my thoughts as to who's going to get killed off before the end.)

****

Akio the Dragon Master: Quite frankly, I don't think Ren wants a girlfriend, especially one like me. (I've honestly lost count as to how many times I've said that.) I'm to peppy and happy, kinda like Pirika, only not as...annoying. Oh God, I just compared myself to Pirika; I think I've lost it.

****

Mikol: Thank you! I hope you like it enough to read it to the end!

****

Bafu: Ah, I do that all the time! I see a fic that looks almost-interesting, then I don't read it until it's like half-over and the authoress already has knows who her faithful reviewers are! And, of course, the ones I put off reading always end up being my favorites.


	6. Of New Friends and Old Enemies

A/N: Sorry for not updating for such a long time! I've just had so many end-of-the-year things going on, so I didn't have time to do much. Anyway...a lot happens pretty quickly in this chapter, because of my lack of time to write. And I took some dialogue directly from the Japanese anime, so things might seem a little silly here and there, okay? Good!

Rag Doll

Part VI: Of New Friends and Old Enemies

As the weeks passed, things at Funbari Onsen became..._lackluster_, to say the least. Every morning at five-o-clock _sharp_, Anna's shrill voice would resonate throughout the in as she awoke Yoh in a less-than-pleasant manner. Of course, since my bedroom was the one directly next to his, the itako's voice would wake me as well. And, whether or not he spent the night, Manta would always be in the kitchen, having either made breakfast himself or just picked something up at a convenience store. We would eat rather quietly, and then Yoh would be off to run around the city. Anna would settle herself in front of the TV and watch early-morning sitcoms from the 80's that weren't old enough yet to show on Nick At Night, and Manta would go about cleaning things that were already clean.

Ho hum.

Left to my own devices, I found little I could actually do. I'd already listened to all of Yoh's music, and read through all of Anna's shaman-books. Neither of them were actually interesting, and soon enough I'd been longing to go back to school just to pass the time. Even though I hate it more than anything, doing Geometry is so much more interesting than sitting around watching reruns of The Nanny and collecting dust.

Just when I though I'd explode from boredom, Yoh brought home a guest. Not just any guest, oh no! Yoh just had to pick up the sketchiest person in the entire district of Funbari, because he _Yoh_, and he always does exactly what I don't want him to do. Since such is the case, I came down to dinner one night to find _Bokuto no Ryu_ sitting at the dinner table with Anna and the others. I joined them of course, and played the happy little wife-to-be I'd become so accustomed to playing lately, complete with that phony smile of mine.

It's not to say that I don't like Ryu --oh no; wonderfully sweet guy once you get to know him-- but there's just something about him that creeps me out. I had a feeling that it was because he was _out of high school_, meanwhile, I was just entering it as a tenth grader. I'll admit, I do have friends who are seniors in high school, but it's not like they only hang around little thirteen-year-olds. I shuddered slightly, knowing that this was the guy who I'd seen having erotic visions of a threesome containing himself, a little girl, and a fourteen-year-old boy.

Hmm. Sketchy.

And, just to make things worse, after Yoh invited him to spend the night (which is daunting in its own right), Ryu didn't _leave_. Seriously, the guy stayed at the inn for three entire weeks! Sure, he was a big help with chores and all that stuff that Manta usually did, but there was honestly no reason for him to do it. He hadn't seen rescued Yoh from Ren (who, by the way, I was still keeping a sharp eye out for now that my nose had healed), nor had he been rescued from Tokagero yet. I just didn't get it at all.

Anna didn't seem to be too fond of Ryu, either. She would order him around day and night, and would rarely praise his work. I didn't understand why she wasn't voicing how creepy it was to have a random adult off the streets lurking around her house every second of every day, especially since I knew she felt the same way that I did. Maybe she could already sense his latent shamanic abilities and didn't want to tell anyone yet, but dammit! Why wouldn't she just make him leave! I wanted him out!

I know, I know; you're probably wondering why I want to exclude a major character from the storyline, but let me tell you, Ryu is just plain creepy when he isn't a shaman! He lurks around in these dark corners of the inn, and then when I pass by, he tries to get all _friendly_ with me. 'There's nothing wrong with being friendly,' someone will whine. But you just don't understand; _yes_, there _is_ something wrong with being friendly when it's Ryu we're talking about! I knew I'd get used to him eventually, but just not now.

Anyhow, back to the story... It was one of those too-typical evenings; Yoh and Manta were out shopping, Ryu was lurking around in the kitchen and waiting for the dynamic duo to return with dinner ingredients, Anna was somewhere in the house I could never seem to be able to find, and I was loafing around on Yoh's futon and listening to his music. I didn't know why I wasn't in _my_ room listening to _my_ music, considering I tried to get as little of Yoh as possible, but tonight I just felt like doing something a little out-of-the-ordinary. There was something about Yoh's music that was just different from mine; possibly the lack of homicide threats and drug references, but I wasn't completely sure.

My stomach growled loudly, and it was exactly then that I realized _how_ little I'd changed since I'd come to the Shaman King world. There were obvious physical changes - my hands and feet were bigger (although my shoe size curiously remained the same), my eyes were enormous, my torso seemed too small for the rest of my body, and so on like that... But personality-wise, I was exactly the same person as before. I thought that I'd become sullen or virtuous or mysterious or something...but...no. I just wasn't. I still lied to make things work out alright for me, I still borrowed things without asking, I was still a flirt who scored the wrong guy, and so on with the unflattering traits.

My eyes trailed around the room guiltily, knowing how badly Yoh-tachi would treat me if they found out this was all one big lie. I mean, I wasn't exactly a convincing fiancée, and I doubted that anyone would actually want to be around me if I told the truth. In all honestly, the only thing I wanted wasn't Ren (though he was _very_ close to the top of the list); I also wanted to be accepted by Yoh-tachi as a friend. Not just a forced fiancée. I knew that I'd eventually be close enough to someone to tell them that Yoh and I weren't engaged, but until then, I knew I'd just have to keep on lying. It was a horrible realization, but one I knew I'd be able to fix some day.

As if to break my thoughts, I heard a door slam downstairs. The only person capable of slamming a door that hard was Anna, and she only did that when she was mad. I rolled off Yoh's futon and slipped down the hallway quietly, wanting to see what was going on. Maybe she was going to kick Ryu out! As I crept down the stairs, I could hear Anna complaining about something. But instead of coming from the kitchen, where I expected her to be whining about dinner, it was coming from the living room.

"We can't support any more freeloaders," I heard her say from inside the closed sliding door of the living room. Was she really kicking Ryu out? Ooh, I hoped so! I didn't want to interrupt and possibly change her mind, so I hung back outside the door and listened.

"But Boroboro doesn't have anywhere else to stay," Yoh pleaded.

Wait. 'Boroboro?' _What!_ I frantically tried to remember what was going on, and who the hell this 'Boroboro' guy could be.

"It's 'Horohoro'," a voice from inside the room said. Ah! Horohoro! Everyone's favorite Ainu had come for a visit! I had been fretting that things would play out like the manga and I wouldn't get to meet him until the first round of the Shaman Fights, but I guess I had been wrong. I did a little victory dance, knowing that I would finally be able to talk to someone who knew what a funbox was!

"Well," Anna said thoughtfully from behind the ricepaper door. "If you really want to stay, you'll have to obey my orders."

"No problem!" Horohoro said after a moment. Anna began to list off things for Horohoro to do - like clean the kitchen and wash the dishes. I could faintly hear Manta, Yoh, and Ryu whispering to each other, but I wasn't exactly sure of what they were saying.

"I'm sorry, Boroboro," Yoh said once Anna was done telling the Ainu what to do. I pressed my ear to the door, trying to listen better.

"Hey, your sister's really strict," I heard Horohoro say quietly.

"I'm not his sister," Anna said sullenly. I waited for her to announce that she was his fiancée, like she did in the anime, but it didn't come. Instead, the itako flung open the door I was listening through, and I promptly fell into the room and onto the floor. Oops. Anna scoffed, and stepped over me to leave the room

"Anna's a...family friend," Yoh said, ignoring me as best he could for the moment, though Horohoro seemed to have different ideas.

"Who's this? Another family friend?" Horohoro asked, leaning over the table to look at me. I got up hastily and brushed myself off, blushing all the while. It wouldn't do to have potential mountain-buddy material thinking I'm a total klutz, would it?

"Not exactly," Yoh said, beckoning me to sit down next to him, which I did. "Kitty-chan's my fiancée." As he said this, he placed an arm around my waist possessively, which was really weird. Yoh wasn't usually the possessive type, especially around me; he always let me go where I wanted and spend time with who I wanted. Anyway, as soon as Yoh had said 'fiancée,' the entire room seemed to pause.

Then Horohoro went off on a long tangent about not even having a girlfriend. During this tangent, Yoh seemed to pull me even closer to him as if I might just get up and walk away if he didn't. Truthfully, I probably would have. I'd had enough of Yoh's cuddles for a lifetime, and I really wanted to know if the mountains of Hokkaido were really as amazing as people said they were. As Horohoro's tangent ended with him kneeling on the tea table, I felt Yoh's fingers twirling a lock of my hair. That was new...and a little awkward, too.

"I lose at life..." Horo mumbled, sulking.

"It's okay," I said sweetly to the sniffling Ainu. He glanced at me from his pitiful position on the table. "When you find the right person, you'll know."

"What?" he asked, sitting up.

"Believe me," I said, cuddling closer to Yoh, who seemed dumbfounded, to say the least. "The first time I saw my 'right person,' I knew he was the one for me." I giggled, thinking back to the June 2003 issue of Shônen Jump; the first time I saw both Ren and Yoh. Seriously, the very first time I saw Ren, my initial thought was, 'Hey, he's actually kinda cute for having a spike on his head! Sucks that he's the bad guy, though...'

From somewhere above me, Yoh gave silly laugh, most likely assuming I was thinking of him just now, and he pressed a kiss to my forehead. My eye twitched, knowing that my Ren-moment was completely ruined by Yoh's incomprehension of the entire situation, but I didn't let anyone see it. If this was the way things were going to be, then I had to learn to put up with it, even if it meant losing my sanity. In the end, my goal was to get Ren all for myself, but until then, I would use any ploy necessary to get to him!

After Ryu and Yoh had shown Horohoro to his room, everyone went to bed at almost the exact same time. I retired to my room, as was expected, but I couldn't fall asleep. I could only wonder where Ren was at that moment in time. I knew he had to be somewhere nearby; at least in Tokyo. I felt like I should sing some nostalgic song or something, but instead I secured my headphones over my ears and plopped down into my futon, almost listening to the words of the song...

'Cause now I see

You are not what you seem

You are a mystery to me

Sometimes I just wanna scream...

As the days passed, Horohoro proved to be very useful to have around the house. He did a majority of the cleaning, while Ryu did the cooking, and Manta waited on Anna; the three of them created a delicate balance of keeping the household in order. Surprisingly, though, I spent a majority of my time hanging around Horohoro while he cleaned, just _talking_, though it was mostly about life on the slopes. Being an avid skier, it was wonderful to talk to someone who knew who Warren Miller was.

Anyhow, one night after dinner, when Horohoro was in the kitchen washing dishes, Anna finally voiced the fact that she knew the Ainu was a shaman. Everyone in the room was immediately tense, except for me. After all, I was the only one who knew how everything would turn out at the end of the little episode.

"That son of a--!" Ryu began after hearing that Horohoro had come to Tokyo to "ruin" Yoh's chance of becoming Shaman King. I grinned to myself; I have this annoying habit of finding humor in other people's anger, and Ryu was no exception.

Just for the record, I loved listening to the way everyone talked about important things; they'd state all the important facts just so everyone who _might_ be watching could understand everything that was happening. What they didn't know, though, was how many people were watching. I doubt they'd do even half the interesting things they do if they knew about their thousands and thousands of adoring fans... But before I could entertain the thought any longer, Amidamaru poofed into view.

"That is correct," he said, though I hadn't heard who had addressed him or about what. Trying to get back into the conversation the only way I knew how to without sounding stupid, I scooted over to Yoh and sort of leaned on him, thus drawing attention to myself. "Horohoro-dono is definitely a shaman with his own main spirit. Unfortunately, I could not confirm the main spirit's form." Oh yeah...I remember this part from the anime.

"But still," Yoh said, trying to make his point that Horohoro wasn't bad. "He's a good guy." Wow, Yoh; would it kill you create more complex thoughts in that head of yours?

"Apparently, you're too easy-going to be fixed, huh?" I guess Anna and I were thinking along the same lines tonight... Just as I was about to say something, Ryu burst back into the room, sweating like crazy.

"He's not here anymore!" Ryu yelled, obviously talking about Horohoro. Before I could even blink, Yoh and Amidamaru had disappeared outside, leaving me to flop on the floor. Anna, Manta, and Ryu were soon to follow, and I stumbled after them, stopping only once to grab my scarf.

Lately, that poor scarf had been put through a lot. I would be awfully sad if it got ruined somehow; my aunt had given it to me when she'd gone to Indonesia a few years ago, and I was hesitant to part with it. It was a little bit of home in this strange world. Anyhow, just as I had gotten it securely around my neck, I almost ran into Anna, who had stopped abruptly in my path. She was staring straight ahead, completely frozen.

Standing in front of the huge, dead tree, were _not_ any large number of kyonshii, but Ren, Jun, and Lee Pailong.

I felt another fangirl scream beginning to build up somewhere in my chest, and I did all I could not to let it out. As luck may have it, the Delectable One was once again wearing those Heaven-sent shorts, and this time, it _wasn't_ too dark to see up them. I resisted the urge to take my peek right then by yanking at my skirt. I'd taken to wearing pleated skirts lately, as opposed to jeans, and I wasn't too sure why.

"You again!" Manta yelled to the Taos. "I thought we taught you a lesson last time!" Of all the corny things to say, he just _had_ to say the _corniest_ of them all; in front of my beloved, too! Ooh, I just could have drop-kicked the little porker into Hong-Kong for saying that!

"Apparently not," Ren said calmly, drawing the tip of a perfect finger along his kwan-dao's blade. I wondered momentarily if the three of them had been secretly camping out in front of that dead tree until we got there, or if they'd come at the same time we did, because it seemed awfully silly of them to be just _waiting_ there for all that time.

"I told you last time!" Yoh yelled across the clearing. "You can't have Amidamaru!" But before any of the opposing force could respond, Horohoro cut in.

"Stay out of this, Yoh," he said heroically. "This is my battle." Yoh gave him a confused look, as did everyone else. "I'll explain later." And with that, he promptly flung himself at Pailong, icicles magically shooting out of his snowboard. I wondered how that was physically possible, but then again, not much here in the Shaman King world is.

As the king-fu master blocked the flying ice shards, I unconsciously found myself inching ever closer to the Delectable One himself. Maybe if I could get close enough to him, then waft some of my perfume over onto him, _then_ he'd notice me as more than a possible hostage! It wasn't the most thought out plan in the world, but I'd read somewhere that guys respond very strongly to the sense of smell, so it was worth a try.

It was quite possibly the most awkward thing in the world; I was trying to seduce the most antisocial guy in the world using perfume, while he, by the way, could hack my head off with his kwan-dao at any time. As I approached him slowly, I noted that Ren's three glasses of milk a day were paying off; he was taller than before. Even I was a little startled at how I'd noticed that fraction-of-an-inch difference, but hey. When you're infatuated with someone, you notice things like that.

Before I knew what was going on, I was standing _right_ next to the Delectable One. He didn't seem to notice me, though, and he just leaned on his kwan-dao as he watched Pailong fight with Horohoro. I of course, was taking every opportunity I could at getting Ren, so, I made an effort to get myself even _closer_...maybe even say something...

Just as this thought crossed my mind, Ren caught sight of me staring at him, and we locked eyes for a moment. I don't know about him, but I definitely felt something there. Of course, I always feel something when I make eye contact with a guy I like, so what can be said? Anyhow, I stood there staring into his lovely golden eyes, hoping he was thinking of some wonderful word to describe my eyes as well...maybe cobalt...or cerulean...or maybe indigo... I'd never know, because he promptly broke our eye-to-eye bond to stare at the ground.

Was it just the awkward lighting, or did I actually make Tao Ren _blush?_

A/N: Uh-oh! Semi-cliffy! I think I gave myself a little too much luck in terms of Ren right there, but I don't know. You're the judge! Leave a nice little review, and I promise I'll respond to it, okay?

**Frozensoul13: **Here's the update! Woo! Yeah... "making" Ren mine would be easier, but I'm trying to keep this as "realistic" as possible... And yes, my humor is usually hard to understand since it's meant to be heard or seen instead of read, so I'm not surprised that at least one person was confused by it.

**Mikol: **Thanks!I'm glad you read the whole thing!I have a bad habit ofbabbling on and on, so people just skim over thingsI write really quickly!

**SGCred:** Ah, clever calling me Neko-chan, though I don't usually think of myself as an actual kitty-cat. I think I put in too much "lost time" by breaking my nose one chapter and it being perfectly healed the next. Not much actual dialogue this chapter, and I don't think I talked to Anna at all, but I'll be sure to add some kind of fight in next time! I think I'm on my way to fixing my little screw-up in canon by having the Taos come fight instead of sending kyonshii, and next chapter, I'm going to try and set Phase 1 of Mission: Seduce Ren into action.

**Sakura Mitsu:** Well, Ren is pretty delectable, so it makes sense to call him the 'Delectable One.' You have a 'Most-Hated Anime Girl List'? I don't have one, but I know who I hate... (_coughPirikacough_)

**Bafu:** Happy really, really, really belated birthday! I'm glad you liked it that much!

**Dreammistress Jade:** Ren _is_ a sore loser, but that's what makes him Ren! (_giggle_) You see, I love to alter canon more than anything, so that's why Ren has appeared so often lately. Yeah, Anna's back...and this chapter was sort of a setter-upper for things to come, so don't feel jipped or anything.

**Akio the Dragon Master:** Yes, things were back to normal for a while, but I've messed up canon, so things won't stay normal for long!

**The Summer Stars:** Sorry that my writing hasn't been as constant lately! I've been busy... I heart Tamao! Woo! And I wanna see the Marco x Tamao site! Can you email me the URL, if you don't mind? (My email is in my profile.)


End file.
